As Long As Time
by Mrs Weasley Odair
Summary: Finnick didn't want to fall in love. It was too dangerous. But when he meets Annie, under hard circumstances he knows there's nothing he can do to stop it. He can't help falling in love with the mad girl, who's not so mad after all, just broken, like him. Can they help fix each other?
1. The Mad Man's Daughter

**Chapter One: The Mad Man's Daughter**

"Doesn't he look charming?" Griyya, District Four's escort asks to the other Victors in the room. I smile mischievously and wink at her.

"Well, you know me Griyya, I like to look my best." I say seductively and she turns as red as a tomato. I don't know why I still keep up my act when I'm at home. It's just with the Capitol people I suppose but that doesn't stop the pure hatred towards them burning on inside. Snow treating me like a piece of meat tossed to the highest bidder. I've been sold for three years. The first two years after I won my Games was just mindless flirting but when I was sixteen the rest of it all started. I get to go home occasionally. Not much though, I spend most of the time in the Capitol having to please Capitol women and sometimes men. Because they needed payback. They sponsored me in my Games and I didn't know that all they wanted was to get their hands on me… At the time I thought they liked me, they just wanted to keep me alive. I was so naïve then!

"Oh Finnick." she laughs.

"Getting on the Griyya now, Odair?" asks Callum, a friend of mine. He won the games three years before me and he's helped me out. Helped me get through it all. And we're neighbours in the Victor's Village. There are five of us Victors. Since my games they've become my dearest friends. When you get back to your district you hope that life will just go back to normal, that nothing will change. That you're friends will still see you as the same person, maybe people will respect you a bit more but that isn't the case. Not the case at all. Everything changes.

"Well you know me Cal." I say joking around with him. When Snow first sold me, I couldn't joke. About anything, definitely nothing like this but you having a friend like Callum helped me try and put myself back together. I'm still not complete though. There is still something inside me that was broken. That couldn't be fixed like the rest of me. I'm still fragile. Even something tiny will be able break me again completely.

"You snog anything that has a pulse and I'm still not good enough for you?!" Callum says, laughing.

"Well, didn't know you were that desperate!" I say, "I can always give you a quick kiss." I put my lips to his and start to kiss him.

When I pull away from him he says, "I don't see what all this fuss is about, he's not even a good kisser!"

I slap him on the face and say, "well I'm certainly better than you!"

"Behave children!" Mags snaps.

"Sorry." we both say together, turning and facing the wall. We're all sitting in a line, myself in-between Mags and Callum. Mags is one of my dearest friends. She's less of a friend, more a Grandma, like she is for all our Victors.

"Very mature boys!" Tria says sighing at them. Tria won the 55th games when she was sixteen and she is the wife of the Victor of the 50th games, Kay. They're in love and inseparable. I suppose they have each other as a relief of the games. The constant pain and doing everything in your will as to not break down. Trying to turn everything into a joke is one of my ways.

"You have your husband and I have my Callum!" I say to her and make kissing faces at him.

"Not for long mate." he says when a Peacekeeper comes to summon them on stage for the reaping of the 70th annual Hunger Games. "I'm going to propose to her!"

He is referring to Daisy, his girlfriend. Great, I'm going to be alone again, I think dismally. I walk onto the stage flashing me oh-so-charming smile for the people of the Capitol wearing my navy blue suit with the green tie. I sit down and when I sit I see the camera pointing at me so I wink. Should please some of the Capitol viewers.

I sit through all the rubbish about the Treaty of Treason looking out among the people of my District. The poor children who looked terrified. I remember my reaping. I had been fourteen. I stood with the crowd of boys my age in the roped off are feeling sick to the stomach. We were speculating on who'd volunteer this year. More often than not there was a volunteer; we are after all a Career District, if the smallest. It's always One and Two but a small number of people from Four tend to train and then volunteer when they're eighteen. That year however they called out my name. I walked up to the stage, it hadn't sunk in, I was sure someone would volunteer.

As I stood there longer I realised no one was going to step up and take my place. All I could do was try not to show the fact I was shaking as Griyya asked my age. I almost threw up. Consumed in that memory I don't realise a young boy stood on stage. No one volunteers for him. His eyes are wide in shock, like a startled hedgehog. "Brendan!" I hear someone in the crowd shout out. It's a girl. "Brendan." they screech again and I close my eyes. It reminds me of my dad at my reaping. Peacekeepers had to take him away. No one came to say goodbye to me as he wasn't allowed and I my mum died when I was three. She drowned at sea. Now even my dad is dead. He died two years after I won. Heart attack. I have no siblings so I guess Mags is the closest thing to family I have.

I look at this poor Brendan kid, who says he's twelve. It makes me feel sick. I hate the Capitol! I see he's on the brink of tears. Poor kid, he has no chance. Then Griyya puts her hand into the girl's bowl. "Annie Cresta." she reads out. I see a girl walk out of the sixteen year old section. She is pretty.

She isn't the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, no, but she has shoulder length dark brown hair that would be longer if it were straight. Instead it is wavy like the ocean waves that I watch often in the sea beside District Four. I just watch them crash against the shore, form, then break. It's relaxing. I see her eyes are a bright green, like most residents in District Four. The sun light is reflected in her eyes and her pale complexion helps them stand out too. The longer I look the more beautiful they seem.

She walks to the stage and no one volunteers for her. I hear mutters throughout the crowd. A strangled cry echoes around and she sees an old man being dragged away. She stands on the stage biting her bottom lip; I suppose it's to stop her from crying. "Hello, Annie. How old are you?"

"Sixteen." she answers quietly, looking down at her feet.

"Well, then here are our two tributes, Brendan Hiffen and Annie Cresta." Griyya says and we Victors file of stage. This year is Mags and I are mentoring.

"Not looking too good this year boy." Mags says to me once we're offstage.

"We don't know yet." I shrug back in response.

"He's twelve and that Cresta girl is Michael's daughter." Mags mutters in her usual voice which a few people find hard to understand but I've learnt how to.

"Michael Cresta, the mad man?" I ask her. Everyone in District Four has heard of the mad man Michael, who makes the fishing nets. The children spread rumours about him when I was at school. He turned mad twelve years ago. I remember Annie Cresta, the daughter, the strange girl who was in the class three years below me. I saw her cry a lot, at lunch on her own. Everyone avoided her, because she was the daughter of the mad man, so did I. But I left school after I won my games, so she would have been eleven when I last saw her. She looks very different now to what she was like back when I remember.

"He's not mad. His wife killed herself." Mags says.

"Oh." it's all I can say. I feel bad now, for running past his house and avoiding him all the time. For believing the rumours, even spreading some myself. And poor Annie. Eating alone at lunch, no one talking to her and the being made fun of everyday by the other children, including me.

"Well that's life Finnick. Michael's actually a good friend of mine. Annie's too nice to harm a fly." she says.

"It'll be different in the arena." I tell her, "It's always different."

"Really? I remember she used to rescue the turtles on the beach that were tangled in litter."

"Well then Mags, I guess our job this year is harder than usual." I state, picking up mine and Mags' luggage from the room we were sitting in before and getting ready to say goodbye to our friends and District Four.


	2. The Scared Child

**Chapter Two: The Scared Child**

"Brendan, Annie, this is Mags and I'm-" I start as we sit on the train across from this year's tributes. Annie then cuts me off.

"You're Finnick Odair." she says quietly not looking up at me, "We all know that."

"Yes, well we're your mentors. The first thing I have to say is sorry. I'm sorry you were chosen and Mags and I know how hard this is for you two. These next two weeks will be the hardest in your lives. At least for one of you these will be the last weeks of your life." I say. I see Annie looking as though she's finding it hard to breathe and Brendan trembling with fear. There's no point lying to them though. Why should I withhold the truth?

"Finnick." Mags says sternly.

"He's got a point." Annie says, "I have no chance of surviving. None whatsoever. I don't intend to kill anyone, but I will have to even if not in the arena. In dying it would be killing my father. Can you just promise me something? That when I die please look after my father, tell him how much I loved him and that I'm sorry for dying. Tell him to keep strong because I don't want my death to break him."

As she says it, it is the first time she looks into my eyes. I feel my throat closing in as I hear what she says. She's already given up, already asking us to say her goodbyes for her. It's wrong! "Annie, you can't give up. How do you know you'll die? The odds were stacked against me, after all I was only fourteen and I still won."

"I'm sorry, but I'm leaving, I don't need to hear how you're so amazing and you won your games easily." she gets up and walks in the direction of her room.

"Well done Odair." Mags mutters to him.

"Sorry, didn't know she was so sensitive, I'll go talk to her." I say, leaving Mags and Brendan together to talk about whatever the hell they were going to talk about. I suppose Annie does have a reason to be sensitive, I mean she probably is going to die and she doesn't want to hurt her dad who'd already lost his wife. Plus the fact I remember how I kind of teased her in school about her dad and stuff; I can understand why she wouldn't like me. In hindsight maybe I should have found out the facts about her dad's case before I was horrible and it wasn't exactly Annie's fault. She never asked to be born to her parents. Not that I didn't want her to be born, just that she didn't have much good luck, then again neither did I.

I walk into Annie's room forgetting to knock and see her face down in the pillow and the quiet whimpers of her crying. "Annie." I say in almost a whisper not wishing to startle her or invade her privacy (the latter seeming to have already failed).

"Go away!" she exclaims her voice muffled in the pillow.

"I know what it feels like." I tell her. It's true, because I do. "My mum died when I was three. Drowned at sea. My dad was stressed all the time afterwards, and then two years after I won he had a heart attack. Not much would have been different if I died in the arena, but if you die it will! Your dad needs you Annie."

"You know nothing about what it's like! You can't talk about my dad like that! You and everyone else treated me like an outcast for so many years because of it and now you're telling me you know what it's like." Annie says quietly, still with her head on the pillow. I sit down on the end of her bed.

"Annie, I'm sorry for what I did back then. For making you feel like an outcast. Maybe I haven't been made an outcast for the same reasons as you but believe me, I have. When I came back from my games my friends were terrified of me. They'd seen what I did, what I'm capable of. I thought I'd have everything I wanted, I did have money, nice possessions just no friends." I say and swallow, remembering it, I hate remembering it. "I played my flirtatious persona in the interviews all the time and that's who everyone presumes I am. They can't understand that it was all just one massive strategy. I wish I hadn't done it now. I wish I had died in the arena!" I spit angrily.

Annie turns around on her bed and sits up beside me. "Don't say that." she whispers, sniffing to hold back the tears.

"It's true though! What do I have to live for?" I ask bitterly.

"This is what I'm afraid of Mr Odair. That I'm going to be changed in the arena. That they're going to make me into something I'm not!"

"Please, call me Finnick! But they won't change you if you don't let them. They can't change you if you're stronger than they are, it's just that I'm not. You have your dad. He loves you and you have to remember him and keep fighting for him." he says.

"You had your dad and you still wish you died. My dad will die one day, then what will I have to live for?" she asks, as if I know all the answers.

"Well you'll find someone. A boy who loves you, who cares for you. You can get married to him, have children and then you can grow old together." I say. All the things I long to have. All the things that I know I can't have and will never be able to have. I belong to the Capitol. I know Snow would use anyone who I found against me. He finds my weakness and exploits it. The Capitol moulded me into this bad boy, an arrogant, flirtatious player who doesn't want to settle down with one girl! Only so Snow can make his people happy and so he earns shit loads of money auctioning my body off. Because I'm not an actual human being to any of them! Just a simple boy from a District who they think they're doing a favour to by taking me into the Capitol and adopting me. They don't know the half of it, even if they did they wouldn't care, would they?

"Why can't you find that for yourself then?" she asks.

"I can't tell you." I reply to her, as a fresh tear rolls down her face. Her beauty isn't scarred by the puffy red eyes flowing with tears, instead her childlikeness and innocence is just highlighted. She's a scared little girl who's never shown it like this because she's always been a social pariah due to her father. Her father who she has to look after so has never really had a childhood. She is just showing that she is still so young now, but she had to grow up so fast which makes her situation even more tragic. Like myself. In the space during and after the games I had to grow up hastily. Most people assume without a childhood you become less vulnerable because you have been a 'grown up' for longer. They can't see it's precisely the opposite because they haven't yet learnt to overcome their vulnerability. That's why I was broken so easily.

"I'm sorry, Finnick." she says whispers, going back to not being able to look at me. It makes me uncomfortable, the fact I've just shared so much private stuff with someone who can't even look at me.

"What for?" I ask.

"For storming out. It's just it's hard, a lot has happened today."

"Don't mention it. I know it's hard. Now, let's go back to the cart, I expect Mags and Brendan will be wondering where we are." I say.

"Ok, can I just go to the bathroom to wash my face?" she asks.

"Sure," I reply, "I'll just wait here."

I remain sitting on her bed, thinking the conversation and everything the both of us have just said. When Annie finally comes out, we walk with each other back to where Mags and Brendan are in silence.


	3. The Girl in the Beautiful Dress

**Chapter Three: The Girl in the Beautiful Dress**

As we sit eating the delights provided on the rapid train to the Capitol a Peacekeeper comes up to me. "Yes, what is it? Is it so important that it needs to interrupt dinner?" I ask.

"Sorry Mr Odair, it's just that the President has requested seeing you tomorrow." states the Peacekeeper. The food threatens to come back up as all I can remember the smell of the white roses that cover the scent of poison (that was a bit of information a stupid Capitol man slipped out after we'd spent a night together). My stomach twists uncomfortably thinking about why Snow wants to see me.

"Ok." I manage to choke out. He leaves and suddenly I have completely lost my appetite.

Preceding this, the room is silent until Griyya says enthusiastically, "we'll be arriving in the Capitol in about an hour!"

"Yay." Brendan states sarcastically and I smirk slightly. Given the situation Brendan has a good sense of humour.

"Brendan dear, I know this is hard but the Capitol is amazing!" she says then she starts to go off about everything in the Capitol. Brendan rolls his eyes and I give a fake yawn in his direction causing him to look up and smile at me.

"As amazing as this is Griyya, I think I'll go and get changed. This suit is a bit too formal." I say getting up.

"Finnick, remember you have to look presentable." Griyya calls. Eugh, I hate dressing up, I'll just wear something casual but fashionable. As I leave I squeeze Annie's shoulder reassuringly but she just looks at me like I'm trying to shoot her or something.

I go to my room, which is just given to the tributes and mentors to allow them some time alone and to freshen up after the reaping, considering the train journey is only seven hours compared to some other Districts who have to spend a night on the train. I go to the wardrobe and find some jeans and then grab first t-shirt I see which I pick up and put on. It's just plain green, thankfully and not one of those whacky Capitol designs. I know it's been specifically chosen for me, like everything in the wardrobe though and this was probably just put there because it makes my green eyes stand out even more and all the Capitol people love Finnick Odair's famous green eyes, however, I am certainly grateful for it. I ruffle my hair up which has been brushed back all day and smile into the mirror. I hate how I look, it's a curse. You'd think being attractive and people flinging themselves at you would be fun, but believe me it's really not!

"Finnick." I hear a small voice call from behind me. Paranoid, since my games I shoot around and am relieved to see it's not an attacker with a knife. It's only Annie. "The replay of the Reapings is about to start and I know we won't have time to watch all of them but we were going to catch the first bit of it. Do you want to join us?"

"Ok." I say walking towards the doorway where Annie stands. We walk to the sitting room and I struggle to find something to say. Eventually I just mutter sincerely "I really am sorry that you have to do all this."

"It wasn't your fault. Is it that bad?" she asks.

Why lie? "Worse." I reply truthfully.

She sighs and we just go back to silence, it's easier leaving each other to our own thoughts. "I really like your dress." I tell her before we enter the room where Mags, Brendan and Griyya sit watching the TV intently. It's the first time I've really noticed her dress and it's beautiful. It's a dark turquoise like the ocean and as she moves it sends ripples down the material making it look like waves.

"Thank you." she says, "It was my mum's."

"Oh." I say and we walk into the room so the conversation stops. On the TV a boy from One has just been Reaped. Then, of course another much older boy volunteers. There's already a girl standing on stage, as in most Districts the girl is picked first, not in District Four though. Griyya has to be different I suppose. I sit on a sofa next to Annie who fixates her eyes immediately on the screen.

I have no interest in watching the Reapings however. What's the point when they're always the same? Intimidating Careers volunteering in One and Two where the little kids don't have to live in the terror of the possibility of going intothe Hunger Games if they don't want to. Two small nerdy kids from Three are reaped who I always think are a shame to lose because they're brainy, but I guess being intelligent can't win you the Hunger Games. Except if you're Beetee, then again he was one in a million, a genius! Four, can be a surprise. Most years there's at least one 'brave volunteer'. (Personally my word for them is idiotic, throwing their life away like that; even if they win they have no life any more).

In Five there is the occasional volunteer, once every blue moon. The kids are usually reasonably smart and quite resourceful. Then Six, Seven, Eight, Nine and Ten. There aren't any volunteers, the kids looking as if they're fed reasonably well but definitely not the fittest of the bunch. Then there's Eleven and Twelve. The poor kids from there look as if they're starving; they all have hollow cheeks, cracked lips and rags for clothes. They have no chance. They're too dazzled by the vast array of weapons and supplies by the Cornucopia and stupidly they run straight into the Bloodbath to retrieve them. Every year it's the same and every year Haymitch loses more hope and shouts louder at the screen and drinks more alcohol to try and drown his troubles. Its fine for him, he's in the control room for ten minutes and then he goes to the bar. Unfortunately I have to stay right to the end most times.

So instead of watching the Reapings, I just look at Annie. Look at the terror in her eyes when she sees the Careers, the pity of the small boy from Three. She seems so childlike, curled up in a ball on the sofa beside me. I have the urge to hug her, tell her that everything will be ok. To protect her. She just seems so young.

The time goes so fast and I feel the train come to a halt. We're only on the District Seven Reaping. I see Johanna sitting on the chair and I smile to myself, she won the games two years ago and we meet on her Victory Tour. Since then we've been friends and last year I spent most of my time in the Capitol with her. I mentor every year, or since my Games. I have because apparently I need to 'make up since I've only been here for five years'. Callum's done less but I'd probably be sent to the Capitol to see some clients any way so I don't complain.

Griyya excitedly tells us, "We've arrived in the Capitol!"

At the station there's a crowd of reporters as Mags and I usher Annie and Brendan to the Training Centre. I hear the paparazzi scream my name, trying desperately to grab my attention but I get it all the time so I know what to do. I just smie at the news cameras as I walk past but I don'y stop to chat. Peacekeepers shove us in a car to take us on the short trip to the Training Centre.

When we get to the District Four floor we leave the lift to see the two stylists, Wella and Dennil. Wella was my stylist for my games and is always the boy's stylist so I introduce her to Brendan who seems reluctant to shake her hand, after all she has a bright blue afro and her skin is red in colour. Her face is plastered in large amounts of make-up and she's wearing a strange dress. But in Capitol standards she's not too outrageous. I greet her friendly; after all she's sweet once you get to know her.

Mags introduces Annie and Dennil to each other. Dennil wasn't Mags' stylist, of course, but they know each other reasonably well. Dennil has his face pulled right back so his face bones are very prominent and has his face dyed a dark black so it can be covered in yellow stars. His bright purple hair is in plaits reaching his waist. We then introduce Brendan and Annie to their Prep Teams who are even more whacky that the stylists then Griyya proclaims that after a long day it's time for Annie and Brendan to turn in for the night, as tomorrow they'll be in Remake Centre all day.

I watch some of the Capitol rubbish on TV before I can't take it any more and I head to bed myself.


	4. The Shy, Little Girl

**Chapter Four: The Shy, Little Girl**

I walk to the dining room for my breakfast. I don't feel hungry as I anticipate nervously about my visit to Snow. Thinking about it as I take a bite into my apple, I feel dizzy. Mags knows that I don't want to speak and we're the only ones awake, so we eat in silence. Just as I'm nearly finished my small breakfast Annie walks into the room. She's wearing a short white dress and navy blue leggings, her hair tied back messily.

"Morning." she says. I see her eyes are slightly red; she was probably crying last night, that's what I did on my first night.

"Hi Annie! Sit down, eat something." I tell her and she does on the other side of the table to Mags and I. I want to make Annie feel comfortable and I doubt that will be possible in silence so I say, "Today you're going to the Remake Centre with your Prep Team for the morning. Then you'll go with Dennil and he'll prepare you for the Tribute Parade tonight."

"Ok." she simply says, looking down on her plate that just has one slice of toast on. I don't know what else to say so we sit in silence until a Peacekeeper comes in with an envelope in his hand.

"Mr Odair." he says handing me the letter. I put down the apple and tear open the envelope that has my name elegantly written in the handwriting of none other than President Snow. When I pull out the letter inside the smell of white roses that fills the air is overwhelming and triggers my gag reflex. Thankfully I manage to hold my breakfast down telling myself if I can't face this what's it going to be like meeting with him?

Written on the letter is:

_Finnick,_

_I request your presence this morning at your earliest convenience. A car will be ready to take you to my mansion outside. Awaiting your visit,_

_Coriolanus Snow._

I drop the letter from my hands so it falls on the table and push my almost finished apple away.

"Whenever you're ready, Mr Odair, I'll bring you down to where the car is." the Peacekeeper says.

"I can't go to the President's house like this now, can I?" I say, getting up from the table, "I will go and shower and change into more suitable attire."

I walk quickly to my room, undress then step into the shower which I turn to the longest mode I can. I just want to stay in here forever letting the hot water drench my body, the steam condensing against the shower walls.

After a thirty minutes just trying to forget where I am and what's happening I step out of the warmth to the cool bathroom outside where I rap my bare skin in a soft white towel. I walk into my room and where I pick out a black suit from the cupboard with a green tie, not too different from my outfit yesterday. I use a hairdryer to quickly dry my hair then brush it back so it is presentable.

I get ready to go out to get the car but the nerves hold me back. I end up sitting down on my bed with my face in my hands trying to pluck up the courage to go. I start trembling. Recalling the worst visit to President Snow's mansion. It was on my sixteenth birthday. It was just going to be my dad, myself and the other Victors at my house, having a nice meal, having a good time.

A Peacekeeper came first thing in the morning and told me my presence was required in the Capitol; that President Snow wanted to see me. I wasn't thick, I'd been in the Games and I knew Snow was a horrible man. I just didn't realise how despicable and twisted the man actually was. So I just went on the train naively, escorted by a couple of Peacekeepers.

They walked me up to Snow's office then just pushed me in and left me there with him. I'd been in his office before on certain occasions but it was always for quite pleasant discussions. "Finnick, my dear, dear boy!" Snow had exclaimed. "Happy sixteenth birthday."

"Thank you." I had said.

"Take a seat." he'd told me so I sat down opposite him the desk in-between us. "My, you're growing into such a handsome fellow." I hadn't known what to respond with so I had just sat there like a gormless idiot. Snow continued, "Finnick, you are aware that during your Games many people sponsored you, to help you win. How else would you have received that beautiful trident?"

"Yes, I meet them. On my Victory Tour." I had replied.

"I'm aware. You never however got a chance to thank them thoroughly though and I don't think it would be right not to. Do you remember Hikra Tunshy, she donated an awful lot of money towards you so you could proceed to win." Snow had said.

"Yes." I told him. I had remembered her, she was extremely enthusiastic, but the whole night she had been using any excuse to be close to me or touch me.

"Well, I think to show your gratitude towards her you should give her a gift." he said.

"A gift? On my birthday? What should I give her?" I had asked, confused by what he was saying, the fumes of the roses now starting to give me a headache as they were so intoxicatingly sweet.

"A very special gift Finnick. Your virginity." he'd said.

I had coughed out when I had heard what he had said. The smell now suffocating my breaths. I didn't understand what he was saying. I finally choked out in shock and horror "You mean you want me to sleep with her?"

"Very good Finnick! I knew we'd get there eventually." He had praised me in a very condescending tone.

"What if I don't want to, what if I don't agree with it?" I had asked in defiance, sickened by the idea of sleeping with Hikra. She was over double my age for starters! I wanted my first to be special, someone I loved not her.

"You know Mags, I heard she was a very good friend? And you dear father? Well I can arrange almost anything." Snow said in a malicious, calculating tone.

I got what he was implying immediately. "You wouldn't!" I had exclaimed, "Keep him out of it and as for Mags, she's a Victor, you wouldn't get away with hurting her!"

"Mags is very old my dear boy." he had said, "let's say an accident were just to occur. And I think you forgetting that I'm the President. I make the rules."

I was on the verge or vomiting as I looked at him, the evil, despicable man. I wanted to hurt him, to kill him! But as he had said he was the President. He was blackmailing me yet I couldn't risk Mags or my father being hurt. I just couldn't, Mags had been my mentor, my friend, my grandmother figure. My father still loved me when I had come back from the arena. He'd always been there for me. "You sick man." I had spat at him.

"Ah, so I see we have a deal then Finnick. You will see Hikra tonight and Mags and your father will be safe. There are plenty of people who would love to be with you, I have numerous clients lined up. I can give you anything and everything you've ever wanted it you stay on the right side of me Finnick." Snow had told me. "Details for tonight will be given closer to the time, now a Peacekeeper will take you to your apartment. No funny business Odair. Mags would be a real shame to lose and as for your father, I know he means a lot to me."

I had stood up pushing the chair to the floor in rage, shock, anger, tears were welling up in my eyes. "I don't need any of those things you sick, perverted old man. I'm only doing this for the people I care about!"

When I got outside his office I fell to the floor trembling with fear and fury. I needed something to release it all on. Before anything though I had threw up all over the floor, still sitting and trembling at the tears rolled down my eyes. Before then I hadn't thought that Snow would have been able to break me. I guess he proved me wrong on that day.


	5. The Bad Tempered Girl

**Chapter Five: The Bad Tempered Girl**

"Hello Finnick. It's been a while." Snow says to me.

"Why do you want to see me?" I spit at him in rage, trying not to faint with the smell of roses surrounding me.

"Why can't I just meet up with a dear friend sometime?" Snow asks, "No, I want to talk to you about how you've not been in the Capitol for a while. Demand seems to be falling slightly. I suppose it's because you won five years ago and people may be forgetting you. We can't let this happen now, can we Mr Odair?"

I close my eyes and breathe in deeply trying to forget where I am. Under the desk my hands are balled in fists and I'm trying to steady my breathing so they stop trembling. "Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe their bad boy Finnick Odair can meet a girl back home and fall in love. Would be a great story to sell, wouldn't it? A massive plot twist!" I ask him.

"No, no Finnick. I couldn't possibly do that. I was thinking more along the lines of an interview. About you're Games, your life in the Capitol. And maybe some modelling. I'm sure plenty of brands would love you to be their sponser."

"Oh, I'd be delighted to." I say smiling sarcastically at him.

"Well that's just great, isn't it Finnick. I think you could start filming the interview with Caesar Flickerman tomorrow. Does that suit you?"

"Well President, I have two tributes to take care of, so as much as I would love to start on the interview I can't. Wouldn't be fair on my tributes as they may suffer a disadvantage." I say smugly.

"That is definitely true; I'll reschedule it for after the Games. By that time I'll have the companies who want to sign you on. Though however busy you may be tonight with the Parade surely tomorrow night you can meet a client. Details will be sent later. You may leave now." he tells me and I stand up, trying not to breathe in through my nose as every time I do the scent of rose submerges my sense of smell and nauseates me.

"Gladly." I state walking out of the room and clearing my airways from the scent of the roses, breathing in deeply the fresh air around me. I see the Peacekeeper who bought me waiting outside and I tell him, "I want to get back to the Training Centre."

"Yes, right away Mr Odair." he says quickly. I smile at the power of people I have, I suppose it's because I'm a Victor and he's probably scared stiff of me, at the fact I've killed plenty of people before.

I see Haymitch sitting in the bar, downing a glass of sherry. He doesn't notice me walk into the bar that is in the Training Centre, mainly built for Haymitch's benefit. "Hey buddy, how long have you been here?" I ask him, sitting down by the seat next to him.

"Got here about ten minutes ago, the tributes are of with the Prep team." he slurs, he's already drunk but I suppose its Haymitch. He's always drunk.

"Straight to the bar, huh?" I ask him.

"Boy, this year I don't think my tributes will even survive training."

"Oh, I didn't get to finish watching the Reapings." I shrug looking longingly at the drink. I need something to take away what Snow just told me. To make me feel better. I never drank at first until I found out after my clients it helped forget everything that happened. It feels like none of it is actually real. Haymitch however uses drink to block out all the feelings. To block out everything around him I guess.

"Well I saw them. Got to say Odair, your kids don't look too good either this year. So what brings you here?" he asks.

"Just had a meeting with Snow." I say shuddering to Haymitch. Then I call for the barman to bring me a shot of whisky. As soon as he brings it over I down it in one, wincing as the bitter taste is forced down my throat. Initially it tastes horrible but soon it takes its affect, making me feel warm. It must be strong stuff because I start to feel light headed quite soon after. "D'you know where Johanna will be?"

"Probably on her floor. Something going on between you two? You seem to spend an awful lot of time with that girl." he asks.

"No. Only known her for two years! And anyway, you know that Finnick Odair can't love anyone. I think it's been taken out of me by the Capitol." I sigh, getting up and leaving.

"I'd tell you it gets better and that shit but I'm not like that. It won't." he calls at me as I leave. Even with the whisky in my system this stings me. Knowing that there is no hope and no point even pretending any more. I know it's true. That Haymitch is just stating what I've thought for a long time. It's just he's so blunt with it. So definite.

I walk out the room and to the lift in the centre in which I press the button to the seventh floor. The layout is identical to the fourth floor and I stumble out of the lift and immediately see Johanna sitting on the sofa watching the TV next to Blight. I let out a small cough to make them aware of my presence and suddenly Johanna shoots up and knocks me back with a bone crushing hug. "Finnick!" she squeals as we hug.

"Hey Jo." I say.

When she let's go of me allowing me to breathe again she says, "Your breath really stinks? You becoming a bit of a Haymitch?"

"Nice to see you too Johanna!" I say not wanting to share that I just had a meeting with Snow. I acknowledge Blight, Johanna's fellow mentor with a quick nod and he nods back.

"Yeah, yeah cut the crap. Now sit." she demands and I do as she says. "How have you been?"

"Alright I suppose." I shrug, wondering who she is and what's she done with Johanna Mason, the rude bossy girl I know.

"Why did I ask you? I don't give a shit. Ok, come to my room with me." there she is, I think as I see her and she pulls me by the hand down the corridor, leaving poor Blight on his own looking suspiciously at us. I suppose he has reason. Last year when we first met and Johanna was getting over her Games, we slept together a few times; sex is her way to try and get over it, just as Haymitch's is alcohol. She was my first who actually meant something and I slept with because I wanted to, not because I was being blackmailed. I don't love her though, yeah she's good looking but I doubt we'll ever be more than friends who had a fling on a couple of occasions!

When we get into her room which looks just like mine she closes the door and pushes me against to the wall. That's the thing with Johanna. She needs to be in control whereas most of my clients rather have me in control. She holds my back tightly pushing me against the wall and kisses me fiercely on the lips. There's no gentle progression in the kiss just full on from the moment our lips touch. She shoves her tongue in my mouth and moves my hands down to her arse and I pull her closer towards me.

We just kiss for around five minutes until Johanna pulls me along by my tie and pushes me onto her bed. She sits on top of me and starts kissing me again as her hands move down to my tie to tear it off and she starts to unbutton my shirt. Once it's open and my chest is bare she moves the kisses down to my chin, sucking on it hard and I am sure there'll be a hickey there soon. She moves down my neck slowly, I wonder if her aim is to cover my skin completely with them.

As she places her hand on my thigh and squeezes it, then licks her warm tongue over my chest, I groan out. All of a sudden however I feel sick, remembering all the Capitol women. I can't do it, not with Jo, not any more I don't love her. I don't have to do it with her. Even if I want anything more than friendship I don't deserve her. I want her to find someone. Or maybe not, Snow would just use him against her. "Jo," I groan, "please, I don't want to ruin our friendship, you can stop this now."

"We've done this plenty of times before Odair. What's so wrong with it this time?" she asks still sitting on top of me.

"You deserve something so much better than me." I tell her, stroking her face with my hand.

"Like who? We all know you're the hottest guy in Panem Odair, you saying I'm not good enough for you?" she asks, getting of me and storming off into the bathroom slamming the door. I probably should have phrased it better, I mean I did put across she was too good for me but Jo can be quite self conscious plus super moody. She's going to be pissed at me for about a day but it's Jo, she'll get over me.

I sit up and rub my face with my hands before buttoning my shirt back up. I can't be bothered to tie my tie so I just hang it over my neck and walk out of the room. The layout and furnishing is precisely the same as my floor so I find my way back to the main room easily where Blight sits watching the TV. "What's all the door slamming about?" he asks not looking up at me.

"It's just Jo." I say shrugging.

When he looks he laughs and says, "Blimey Odair, that's one hell of a hickey!"

I fake a laugh before leaving and returning back to the fourth floor…


	6. The Beautiful Buterfly

**Chapter 6: The Beautiful Butterfly**

Griyya rushes Mags and I out of the floor. The Tribute Parade is going to start in thirty minutes and I haven't yet seen my tributes, but it happens every year. One would assume it would get more organised each year, in fact it just seems to be more hectic. We have to get to the Remake Centre which is usually a two minute drive yet with the street blocked with Capitol citizens hoping to get a glimpse of this year's tributes it takes ten times that time.

When we finally arrive we have ten minutes till the Parade and we have to barge our way through the crowd of stressed people who are swearing or muttering to themselves. We make our way towards the room in which Annie and Brendan are in. I see him first. He's dressed as what I think is supposed to be Poseidon, the ancient god of the sea. He has a long white beard, a bare chest to show his weak build (he is only twelve, I suppose), brown knee length shorts. He is holding a big golden trident and I just hope Annie's outfit isn't as terrible as Brendan's.

As I walk further into the room I notice Annie. She takes my breath away. She looks so much older than she did when I was talking to her before. My heart seems to be doing back flips in my chest as I observe her. Her brown hair has been straightened and bits tied back and bits plaited. Her dress is strapless and instead of just being a simple colour or pattern it has iridescent scales in blues, greens and even some light browns. They reflect the light from them, refracting it and causing it to shimmer in all different directions. Instead of it being a conventional dress at the front, it stops at her knees to show her beautiful long legs but continues at the back in the same iridescent scales only crafted into an elaborate tail. After being mesmerised by the pure beauty of the dress I look up to see her pale face only changed with green and blue eye shadow. It makes her eyes stand out and her features appear to be more prominent.

"You look beautiful." I say, my voice in ragged breaths, overcome by what's happened to Annie. It's like she's been in a cocoon, cut off from the world, a child still and now she's come out as the most beautiful and mesmerising butterfly.

"Thanks." she says smiling, "I think I'm supposed to be a mermaid."

I can't say another word. I just look at her imagining how she sees me with my gormless expression. She has to win. I want her to win so badly but then I think of what she looks like now. How beautiful, how delicate, how innocent. It's horrible, I know but I subconsciously hope that she dies in the arena. So Snow can't take her innocence from her, so she stays like this forever in my memory not just another Victor depressed and sold, I know it's incredibly selfish of me but I can't help it.

"What did the President want?" she asks inquisitorially, her green eyes full of curiosity.

"Oh, he's a friend of mine." I shrug trying not to laugh disconcertingly at the lie that I just told her. A friend? Snow? Yeah right. I don't want to lie to her but I can't tell her the truth. Besides it's not like I know her well, even if there is something that makes me feel as if I can trust her in her eyes and her smile.

"I know your lying." she mutters looking down at her bare feet, "You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry it was none of my business."

"It's ok, you don't have to apologise. It's just I can't tell you, if I could I would. It's just you'd hate me." I say stuttering my words trying to get them out. I wish she could understand, I wish I could tell her but I can't. What would she think of me if she knew the truth?

She just stays with her head down looking at her feet, why won't she look at me? "Annie," I ask, "Are you ok. You know you can look at me. I don't bite." I smile trying to be nice and gentle with her.

"I know that." she says biting her lower lip and looking up apprehensively.

"Then why don't you?" I ask her quietly. I see tears in her eyes when I ask the question and I think to myself bitterly, way to go Finnick, so tactful!

"People, we need to get to the Chariots now." Griyya shouts and Annie immediately walks of away from me, dodging the question. When she's gone I put my hands over my face and breathe in deeply. Mags comes up behind me and puts her hand on my shoulder.

She says, "Too nice huh?"

"I don't know what I'm going to do Mags. She wouldn't hurt a damn fly. And she can't even look at me how do you think she'll get sponsers?" I ask in distress. I don't want her to die. I mean I never want any of my Tributes today but for some reason with Annie there's something else inside me making me feel like I need to make sure she needs to survive. She just needs to. Thinking about her dying makes my chest ache. It must just be because she seems so young, so small, so innocent, like a little sister, I think.

"She'll be fine. Instinct for survival is too great." Mags says.

"You think she'll be ok? But you can't make the stylists make her look so good. Snow will just use that against her." I say looking down at her pleadingly, as she is quite a few inches smaller than me.

"You talk to them boy. They respect you more. Just don't forget about Brendan. He has a life ahead of him too." she tells me.

I feel really bad for not remembering my other Tribute, who has family, friends, dreams. It's just really hard when I have Annie in front of me. Plus he's twelve, he hasn't got much of a chance, I won when I was fourteen and I was considered very young for a Victor. In fact I think I was the youngest. "I won't. He's tough, I'll keep an eye on Annie and you can make sure Brendan's ok." I say then I turn on the TV to see the Tributes Parade. It's a good chance to eye up competition because although I have seen a couple of the, before around the Training Centre it's the in the Tributes Parade that the sponsers start lining up.

* * *

"Hey Annie." I say closing the door of her room and leaning against it. She's changed from her mermaid costume into a plain t-shirt and jeans. She still looks stunning with her hair and subtle makeup.

"Why are you here Finnick?" she asks quietly.

"I'm here to finish our conversation before." I tell her sitting down on her bed. She copies me and sits down about a half a metre away.

"Do we have to?" she asks.

"No, we don't. I just want to help you though Annie, because I will listen to what you say and I'll do everything I can to make it better." I say moving my hand closer to her.

"Why? Why do you want to help me!" she asks, almost sounding angry, "People always try to understand me or say that they want to help but they never mean it!"

"Because Annie, one it's my job and two I really do care. Everyone needs someone who'll listen and help and always be there no matter what. I want to be your friend." I tell her, looking at her, so frail, so pretty.

"What so you expect me to tell you all my secrets." she laughs nervously. It makes my stomach jolt. That's what they pay me in, does she know? She can't know. I sit, my mouth open but no air seeming to come in. I feel my hands start to shake and beg to myself to try and stop me from having a breakdown, not in front of Annie. "Finnick?" Annie asks.

I can't say anything; it's stuck in my throat. I close my eyes and try to picture myself anywhere but here, trying to forget what she said. I feel a warm, slightly sweaty hand cover mine and I jump at the touch but remembering its Annie's hand I don't pull away. "Sorry Annie," I whisper shakily, "sorry."

"Don't. You know you can tell me. I mean I'm going to be dead soon anyway." she says.

"No. I can't." I say, my heart still beating at about double the speed than normal.

"I suppose everyone needs secrets." she whispers stoking the back of my hand with her thumb.

"You're right, but it's good to share those secret sometimes." I say with my eyes sill closed, "just not now. I suppose I'm broken. That's what the Games do to you, when you have nothing. You however have so much to live for! Just promise me tomorrow at training you'll try. You need to try Annie." I beg.

"I promise." she tells me.

"I'd better go now." I say, just about to get up.

"Wait! You don't have to. I mean you can if you want to but you can stay. There's enough room in my bed. I mean of course not like that but it's just I thought maybe we could both do with someone there." she trips over her words stuttering nervously. She's so sweet when she does that.

"Annie." I say.

"I know it was a stupid idea, I shouldn't have suggested it, it was…"

I interrupt her and say, "No I was going to say I'd love to. I'm kind of tired of being alone."

We get into the bed, on the opposite side to each other. We don't say another word as she falls asleep curled up in a ball. A lay looking at the ceiling, which I can't see due to the darkness in the room but I can't sleep. I get bored quickly so turn to look at Annie who's suddenly got even smaller than she was as she hugs her legs. It looks as though she's trying to make herself so small that she just disappears.

I see her start to shake and want to hug her or do something about it; it looks as if she's having a nightmare. I don't though; I leave her and continue to watch. There's something I feel inside my chest which I've never felt before and I don't understand. Something that makes it seem like I've known her forever. The thought of her dying in the arena makes me feel sick; I don't want to imagine it. I can't.


	7. The Girl Who I Think I Might Like

**Chapter 7: The Girl Who I Think I Might Like**

I awake to find Annie holding on tightly to all the covers. She's turned over in her sleep so she is facing me and I feel her body against me through the duvet. I run my fingers through my hair in order to try and remember what happened last night and why I'm in Annie's bed as first thing in the morning isn't usually the peak time for my brain. Everything comes rushing back to me all of a sudden. I know I really shouldn't be in here. If anyone saw, I know they'd take it the wrong way. I'm pretty sure that there's some rule against sleeping with your Tribute, even if you didn't actually sleep with them but you were in an unfortunate situation in which it looked like you had.

So as quietly as possible, as not to wake her, I tiptoe across the room to the door and leave, closing it, trying not to make a sound. I glance at her one more time as I leave, her hair messy now from sleeping but her face so innocent and peaceful. The feeling in my chest returns, it's an aching sensation. It feels like something trying to escape, fluttering inside. It makes me feel shy, nervous even and I can't stop the feeling. I don't know what it is! Maybe it's something I ate. However it isn't just a painful ache for some reason it makes me feel happy, like I can smile, sing, dance. I remember Annie holding my hand and it makes my chest again do back flips.

Why? And why only with Annie? I know she's pretty but she's seems more like a sister to me. I think. I don't know because I've never felt like this and I shouldn't be able to. In the Games I was a brutal cold hearted killing machine. Then afterwards the small amount of compassion, love, hope I had left was ripped away from me by Snow; he left nothing, except my ability to flirt and lie so smoothly. Those are all he needs; he doesn't need to human Finnick with dreams, hopes, just whatever he can exploit from me. It makes me feel sick, like I'm nothing.

Sometimes it's crossed my mind. The dark, dark thoughts. Would it be so hard to grab a piece of rope from my kitchen, tie the knot and hang it from the rafters? Who'd be there to miss me? Mags and Callum maybe, but they'd get over it; they have other more important people in their lives to worry about than me. The people of the Capitol would mourn, cry, maybe for a week. Then life would just get back to normal with their meaningless thoughts filling their minds, it would be like I never existed. I've tied the knot before, I've written the note but in the end I never go through with it.

I don't want Snow to win. I can't let him win and if I kill myself he will. A lonely, empty life with only a couple of people who care about you is better than the sheer nothingness of after. I wonder what it's like often, death. I have no faith in a god. My mother did but when she died my faith went with her. And when I came out of the Hunger Games it was completely gone, no way of it coming back. A benevolent god (or gods, I don't know) would never put someone through what I've been through. I may be wrong, but if I am, it doesn't matter; I don't want to spend my life thanking a creator who apparently loves me but makes my life a living hell!

* * *

I flick my wet bronze hair that turned a dark copper in the shower, I don't like having wet hair but I don't have enough time to dry it. We have to discuss strategies before training starts so that Annie and Brendan know what to do. "So training, this morning, I'm not sure what your strategies are." I tell them, munching on a piece of toast at the table.

"Well, I'm pretty strong. I have a good aim and I can probably use a crossbow reasonably well so I might get into the Careers. I'm still a bit young but I can show all my skills and hope I get on. And I'll act friendly around them." Brendan shrugs.

"Sounds like you thought it through, boy." Mags says and I try not to laugh. Brendan, a Career really? I know he's my tribute and it's mean but I can't help it. It just seems so ridiculous.

"Yeah, I suppose." he says.

"Annie?" I ask, wondering if she's thought it through, if she's even going to try, I know she promised and I should trust her but I don't know her well enough to be sure she's being honest.

She looks up from her plate yet still not enough to look me in the eyes, which I can't understand. Yeah she's broken, I know that, but we spent the night together, I told her things I haven't told anyone else. And I have the feeling inside of my chest when I see her, yet this is a girl who can't even look at me. "I don't want to be a murderer. I think if I just spend time at the survival stations I can pick up a lot of skills and survive for at least a bit."

"Yeah you can work with that Annie, good. And Brendan you shouldn't completely ignore survival in case your plan to get into the Careers falls back. I'm not saying you're not good enough but with you being so young it may be hard. Have you got any fishers in your family?" I ask.

"No, they're all in processing, why?" he asks.

"Oh, it's just I thought you may be good with a trident. Remember you have to act cool, come across tough. No offence, but you need the truth and that is that they'll probably laugh at you but don't show them emotion. Emotion will make you seem weak. I can talk to the mentors from One and Two sometime for you if you want." I tell him.

"Thanks." he smiles at me.

"Just doing my job kiddo. And sorry about you having to wear that awful costume last night Brendan, I'll talk to you stylist to make sure you're next outfit isn't so bad." I say. I also need to tell Dennil to tone it down on Annie's outfit; I don't want to even think of imagining what will be going through Snow's brain if she looks like that again. Probably how much profit he could get for selling her to some men who are nearly as sick and perverted as him.

"Yeah, it wasn't bad for Annie. She looked beautiful!" Brendan says.

"She really did." I mutter quietly thinking back. I see a little twitch in the corner of her mouth that looks as though she's trying to hold back a smile. That makes me smile and the shooting ache overrides my body. How can she manage to do this to me? She would probably think I'm sick anyway, she's my tribute and she's three years younger than me. I doubt she's ever had a boyfriend and how many people have I slept with? It is just wrong to think of anything going on between me and Annie.

"I didn't. And even if I did how would that help me win the Games?" she asks. It frustrates me how she doesn't know how beautiful she is, more importantly she has no faith in herself. She doesn't think she can win and she never will if she doesn't believe she can. I see Mags looking hopelessly at Annie and Brendan not looking up from his plate. Griyya just eats ignoring the tension after what Annie has just said. "I'm finished, I'll just go to my room." she says quietly getting up.

I shovel the rest of the food from my plate into my mouth and leap up. "I'm done too." I mutter, food in my mouth so it's hard to make out. I follow Annie to her room and walk in through the opened door.

"Leave me alone Finnick." she says, her back to me sitting on her bed. I don't listen to her and instead I sit down right next to her. "I said-" she starts but I put my finger to her lips.

"I know very well what you said Annie Cresta. I just don't understand you." I tell her, moving my finger from her face.

"I said I'd try. I never promised to win and what's the point of kidding myself, I'm not going to win, ever. Not in a million years. What's so difficult to understand there?" she asks me.

"You don't believe in yourself but I believe in you. Ok, maybe you don't want to kill anyone, maybe you're not the strongest but you're clever." I tell her.

"You don't know that." she says, crossing her arms looking down at her lap.

"I do. I saw you reading books all the time at school, at lunch time." I tell her, remembering the timid girl her face stuck in a book. Until someone came over and knocked the book out of her hand. At first she cried about it, I saw the tears running down her face and at the time, I didn't care. But after about a month of the constant teasing, the constant loneliness Annie stopped crying. I wish I had paid a bit more attention to her, on her own. Back then she was none of my business, she didn't matter but now I have to do everything I can to keep her alive.

"Still, there's probably someone in the Games much cleverer than me. What makes you think I have a chance?" she asks.

"Annie, look at me." I say moving my hands to her face and gently placing them on her cheeks, moving her head up to face me. I feel my heart pound and breathing becoming shakier as we look into each other's eyes. "I know you can win. I know you can." I plead trying to get her to know that she can win. She has a chance, just as everyone else does.

"I will try. I do keep my promises Finnick." she tells me, enchanting me as she looks into my eyes and I see hers. I see how vibrant green isn't the only colour in them; there are small specks of honey, being more prominent the further away from the pupil. They flicker and glint in the light.

"Good." I say, the feeling now overwhelming all my senses, "I wish you didn't have to go through all this though."

"Someone has to. You did, I do. I can't just keep moaning around and feeling sorry for myself." she shrugs and I finally move my hand down from her face slowly, stroking it carefully, trying to stop my hands trembling in anxiety. I see her eyes follow my thumb and she shudders.

I quickly drop my hand to my side, looking down at my lap, feeling like a jerk for making Annie feel uncomfortable. "Sorry." I say wincing. "God, I'm so sorry."

"It wasn't you Finnick. It was just; no one's ever touched me before. I've never had a friend so I'm not used to it, though you don't have to be my friend if you don't want to. Of course you're just my mentor, but I don't mind being friends, only if you want to though." she says muttering and I smile at how sweet she is. Then I think of what she said, she thought that's what friends did, I feel like such an idiot for doing it, like I was using her. She doesn't think it was anything more than friendship and I don't want it to be but with this ache in my chest I feel guilty.

"'Course I want to be your friend Annie. More than anything in the world." I say quietly.

"It's nice to have someone who cares about me. Who's not just obliged like my dad is." she tells me, looking me in the eyes without me even holding her face. I do care about her and what she just said should make me feel happy but it makes me upset and angry at the world for leaving Annie. The only people who care about her are her dad and me.

"Are you ready to go now? Probably best if you get to Training." I tell her.

"Ok." she says getting up. We walk to the dining room where Mags and Brendan look as if they're getting ready to leave.

"Stay here Finn, take a break." Mags tells me as I am about to put my shoes on.

"Ok. Good luck Annie, Brendan remember what I told you." I tell them informatively. When they're gone I fall back on the sofa and think of Annie. I don't try to control my emotions and strangely the feeling in my chest disappears and it's replaced by joy, happiness. Maybe Annie can win, maybe we'll go back home, fall in love. I can't help admit it I think I like her! I'm not only joyful because I think I may like Annie Cresta but also because it shows Snow didn't take everything from me. I can still care for her, like her. That happiness however is quickly destroyed as a Peacekeeper drops a letter in Snow's handwriting on the coffee table by the sofa and I remember tonight's appointment which makes my stomach churn with unease.


	8. The Girl Who I Wish I Had Been Nicer To

**Chapter 8: The Girl Who I Wish I Had Been Nicer To**

I stagger in, the night already blurred by the shots of alcohol I have managed to down. The intoxication makes me smile broadly looking at the room that seems to have duplicated. I clatter through, tripping over things and hear them falling to the ground. It makes me laugh. I see a figure walking towards me. As it gets closer I realise that it's Annie and the smile on my face broadens so I presume it looks as if I'm grinning from ear to ear.

"Finnick?" she asks nervously, sounding concerned. I don't know why she's concerned.

"Hi Annie!" I say cheerfully, waving to her and staggering closer.

"Are you drunk Finnick?" she asks.

"Who cares?" I say as I'm an inch away from her. Suddenly I feel something inside me coming back up and before I know it I'm dribbling sick onto Annie. My mouth tastes the sick and it makes me cringe until I look into the mirror and see me. The buttons aren't done up properly from my client tonight and my hair is ruffled and a complete mess. I see the drool down my face and laugh happily. I look weird and stupid and it makes me laugh. I'm in a right state.

I see Annie's face in shock, with the sick down her shirt and I exclaim to her, "Cheer up Annie! You might as well be happy in your last days."

"You're the one who said I could survive! You jerk!" she shouts at me. Jeez, what's wrong, I just said what was on my mind, and it's the truth.

"You're the one who's always saying it. Come on, have a drink, with me." I say smiling, trying to be charming. I see myself again in the mirror with the dribble and the attempt of looking charming and it makes me start to giggle uncontrollably.

She looks hurt after the statement and backs away from me. "Goodnight Finnick." she spits at me, her voice sounding as if it's about to break. As she storms off, I just stand there, not knowing what I've done.

"Annie, what did I do?" I shout after her but she ignores me. "Girls." I mutter to myself as she's gone. As I look around the room I see I am alone and it makes me unhappy. I want someone to talk to so I stumble through the room, the sofas and chairs seeming to have formed an obstacle course for me to go through. I keep tripping and at first it stings with pain but then it just feels weird and tingles. I except bruises there tomorrow but at the moment none of that matters. I just have to live my life now.

I get down to the bar after a long ordeal in which I accidently (or maybe on purpose) press all the buttons on the lift. I see Haymitch still sitting in the bar, where he was when I left. "Haymitch!" I shout loudly walking over to him and hugging him. "More booze." I tell the bartender who seems slightly worried for some reason.

"Haymitch, mate, have I ever told you what a great friend you are!" I say. I feel happy; like I'm floating on clouds and when the bottle of beer comes I grab it and start to drink.

* * *

I wake up to find myself in my bed, sprawled across with a headache that feels like someone inside my brain is constantly pounding at the front lobe. When I sit up I start to throw up. I feel terrible. I have to try so hard to remember who I am. I eventually remember that I am Finnick Odair, a Victor and I am in the Capitol. When I remember I'm supposed to be mentoring my mind goes to Annie. I look at the clock and realise she'll already be gone. It frustrates me but I can't over think it as it's making my brain throb in agony.

I decide despite the hangover, I need to get up and at least make an effort with my tributes, so stripping from the sick covered clothes I step into the warm shower in which I spend a good half an hour trying to feel normal again, also trying not to think about the pounding in my head because when I do it just becomes more prominent. As I cleanse my body my mind becomes clearer and I start to remember things. I don't remember the client, except if I had to drink all that alcohol it can't have been the best night of my life.

When I examine my chest and legs I see dark purple bruises which leave a dull, almost numb ache which is hard to feel over my head feeling as though it's about to explode. I remember I must have staggered in. Then I remember Annie's face. It isn't clear, but blurred. Unfortunately I remember everything we both said as clear as a bell. I think of the goodnight she spat at me with such venom and sink to the shower floor letting the water pour down onto my body. Why did I say those things?

"Idiot." I mutter myself. "Idiot, idiot, idiot." I repeat, getting increasingly louder even if it rings in my head causing intense pain. I start to punch the glass shower container, as hard as I can, trying to divert everything into a pain in my hands. Trying to make it worse than the one inside me and the one in my head that won't stop. As I'm shouting idiot I punch as hard as I can. I feel my fist break through the glass and come out on the other side, the pain searing down my arm.

I try not to scream as I bring it back in, tears streaming and joining the water. The water already containing my tears is quickly turned red by the blood flowing rapidly from my hand, shards of glass sticking out. It hurts but I know I deserve it. Maybe if I wasn't such an idiot none of this would have been necessary. I wince and contort my face in the pain and left the water wash the blood. It's one of those moments in which I don't care about anything, in which I wish it was just all over. To save me the pain of life. I just wish I had never been born at all! I feel so worthless, like I'm nothing.

I look at my grotesque hand and find the smallest piece of glass. I know I shouldn't take it out, it will make the bleeding worse but very carefully I manoeuvre my fingers so there in a position to do so. Very quickly a yank and bite down on my lip as the excruciating, almost torturous pain rips through me. At the same time I'm glad. It makes me feel something. It reminds me that it's not all nothingness. That I'm not nothing. I can feel things. The blood comes out and I look at the deepness and know I'll have scars, especially if that was the smallest piece.

Feeling better than before, the hand still causing me large amounts of pain, with the headache distracted I slowly stand up. I haven't lost enough blood to feel dizzy yet so I safely step over the shattered glass on the floor with no injuries. I try to look at my face in the mirror but the steam has covered it so I can't. I guess I look pretty terrible. My hair flat against my face, my eyes red from the crying.

I reach for my towel and try, ineffectively to dry myself, avoiding the hand. When I realise it's far too difficult I just give up and walk into my bedroom in which I find baggy clothes which don't take much effort to put on. Every time I move the hand it makes me nearly scream out in pain but at the same time the pain coursing through my body makes me feel alive. When I'm finally dressed (though by no means presentable) I decide to walk out to try and find Mags.

"Mags." I call, the loud noise still hurting my head. When there is no reply I call again, this time louder and more desperately, "Mags?"

As I walk into the dining room I see her sitting and reading some Capitol newspaper that is most probably filled with rubbish. As soon as she sees me I notice her face drop in horror and she immediately stands up. "Finnick, what happened to your hand?"

She walks over to me and I know I can't tell her. That I punched through the glass out of frustration after everything I had said to Annie. About wanting to feel again, about all the thoughts of ending everything I've had. So instead I just break down into tears. Mags puts her arms around me, careful to avoid my hand. We stay like this for what feels like a very long time, the tears streaming down face and myself not bothering to hide it. Mags whispers things into my ears about how everything is ok and I'm safe but she doesn't know the half of it. She doesn't know the thoughts that go through my head and I honestly hope wholeheartedly that she never does.

"Finnick," she finally whispers when my crying is slowing down, "we need to take you to the hospital."

I let go of her and breathe in deeply. I know that I'm going to need stitches, although how many, I'm not sure of. I know that on the way to the car that will take me to the hospital a couple of the press will be waiting outside, as they always do close to the games. I'm going to have to walk past them and they'll bombard me with questions due to my hand, the red eyes, the general state of me. But I know I need to go. I know it will make Mags stop worrying. And I want to give her something back. She makes me feel so much better about everything. She makes me feel like there is someone who actually cares about me. So I just follow her to the lift…


	9. The Girl Who Thinks I'm Mad

**Chapter 9: The Girl Who Thinks I'm Mad**

I sit examining my hands whilst 'watching the TV'. I just ate my dinner and now Brendan, Mags and Griyya and I sit in the main room on the sofas not talking to one another. Annie hasn't forgiven me yet. She just looked at me coldly and straight after she left without even giving me a second glance. I need to apologize but she's making it hard. We're watching the news now, though I'm not particularly paying attention, just looking at the intricate stitching on my hands.

That is until I hear "Heart throb, bachelor Finnick Odair was seen leaving the Training Centre; seeming to have acquired some injuries to his hand." My head shoots up and I see myself on screen. Mags is by my side with her hand around my back. I am clutching my injured hand that's red with blood and swollen up like a big balloon. The red eyes are very prominent so it's obvious I've been crying and I can see the hickeys I received from Johanna on my neck.

"He looks as if he's in a bad shape. You can clearly make out the hickeys on his neck showing that the bachelor has clearly been getting up to some things with some lucky ladies." The picture of me with the injured hand changes to one that I can't remember being took. It's me and some Capitol women going into a building holding hands. "Only last night Odair was caught with Astrell Bennaka. Rumour has it that Odair received his hand injury when drunk last night, the bartender tells us how Odair drank a lot. Rumour goes in a drunken rage he smashed a bottle maybe even directed at Astrell.

"When we asked Finnick this morning he and Mags (a fellow Victor from District Four, who was actually Odair's own mentor) both refused the comment. Astrell is denying alleged allegations stating Odair abused her in their short time together. Unfortunately for the fisherman sweetheart all evidence is pointing against him and the matter will have to be investigated further. For now however we can't be sure if Odair is an actual danger."

I see a picture of me on my Victory Tour flash up. As I think of what the news reporter has just stated and I notice that I'm shaking. Not just a little but with full on rage. My breathing deepens as I try to calm down. They think I beat that women? They think I'm a danger? I bet they don't know all those nasty little secrets about their beloved leader which have slipped out. I bet they don't know that Snow is black mailing me into being a prostitute! "Bullshit." I mutter at the TV.

I see Mags looking at me concerned. Brendan seems sceptical, almost as if he believes everything he's just heard. "Utter tosh." I say louder this time, getting up and storming off. I walk down the hall and past Annie's room. The door is closed and I can't help but get the nervous feeling in my chest. I need to make it right. I just have to.

So anxiously I turn the door knob and walk in quietly to see her lying on her bed, watching the news. "Oh, hi. Didn't know you liked to abuse women!" she says looking angrily at me.

I hate myself for making her so mad. I never thought I'd see her angry but thanks to myself I proved me wrong. "I'm sorry for last night Annie. I was a prat. I was drunk. I shouldn't have said everything I did."

"Don't apologise for the truth Odair." she spits. I sit down next to her, with no invitation, grab the remote for the TV and turn it off. "What you going to do now, hit me?"

"Look Annie, I know you can survive. You're tough. We're both tough you and me. I lost my mum too. I know what it's like to fend for myself and I know you do too. I know you have a great survival instinct and I know you're coming out of here alive. I will do whatever it takes. We're friends. And shit happens Annie. People say stuff. Stuff that's not true. If you could possibly find it in your heart to forgive me you'd make me the happiest guy in Panem." I tell her.

She looks thoughtfully for a couple of minutes but it feels like a lifetime. Waiting to know what she'll say. Finally she quietly whispers, "I guess I can forgive you, Finnick."

"Thank you Annie!" I exclaim to her gleefully. "And about the whole abuse thing, it was a load of lies. The media takes anything and tries to make it into a story; it's how they get their money."

"So how did you injure your hand?" she asks. She looks me in the eyes and I swallow deeply. My heart is pounding as she grabs my hand and strokes the scar gently. It hurts a bit, but the feeling of her skin against mine makes it better again. Knowing that she really cares about me.

I can't tell her the truth though. So I say, "I tripped last night. Hand went through a window."

She examines my eyes doubtfully and replies, "You're lying. I see it in your eyes. I want the truth."

"The truth?" I ask her, biting my lip. I don't want her to know. The pleading look in my eyes however defies every sense of reason in my brain and I have to tell her. I close my eyes and take a deep breath in. "The truth is in the shower I was upset. Upset about everything I had said to you and what a complete idiot I had been. I was punching the glass and my hand went through. I suppose it kind of made me feel better. Made me feel alive."

When I open my eyes I see her tear stricken eyes. I wonder why she's nearly in tears. "Oh Finnick." she whispers quietly to herself.

"I'm sorry. But you don't know what it's like. When nothing feels alright." I tell her.

"I do Finnick. I really do. I wish you could just tell me what made you like this. I know it's not just the arena. I know there's something more." she says. At that moment I consider telling her everything. She deserves the truth. Just as I open my mouth to speak, I stop. How can I? How? She'd hate me. I am a disgusting person.

"There are some things no one can ever know Annie." I tell her, "I wish I could. I wish it so much. It's just I know I can't. Sorry."

"I can keep secrets! It's not like I have anyone to tell." she says pleadingly.

"I just can't Annie, ok?" I ask her trying to sound angry but just sounding as if I'm about to burst into tears, which I am.

"We've had this conversation before, we can just stop this." she says.

"Ok. You were saying before, how you understand?" I ask, wanting to hear her problems, maybe so I can stop worrying about mine.

"School. Life. Everything was horrible for me. So many times I was close to ending it all. You know it would have been so easy. 'Course every time I was close I stopped. I remembered my dad. What would he do without me?"

"I know exactly what you're talking about. I wrote the note so many times. Something stopped me though; I just couldn't let them win!" I tell her. "You can't let them beat you Annie. You can't." I tell her grabbing her arm and telling her this pleadingly. The Capitol isn't going to destroy her! I won't let them.

"Ok Finnick." she says rather patronizingly, "we need to get you to your room now."

She helps me up and I follow her, puzzled to why she's acting like this. She leaves me on my own in the room and I sit with my back to the closed door, looking at my room which looks weird. It's getting weirder by the minute. I immediately stand up and walk to the mirror in the bathroom. There are tears running down my face which I didn't notice before. My hair is a completely mess, from what I can tell it's been like this and my usually tan face looks pale and sick. The person looking back at me doesn't look like me. It's like a deranged cousin or someone.

I understand now why Annie bought me back here. I look like a mental patient. I feel like a mental patient. And all that stuff when I kept referring to the Capitol as 'them' because I couldn't tell Annie anything except she had to beat them. She probably thinks I've lost it. I haven't though, I'm not crazy! I walk back into the room and still everything seems distorted, the colours aren't right. I lie back on my bed, close my eyes and cover my ears with my hands. I start to question what I said. Maybe I am crazy. Maybe something just clicked and now I'm not right…


	10. The Girl Who Is Probably Annoyed At Me

**A/N: Terribly sorry about the tardiness of this update, it's been very hectic and busy however with Christmas. However, due to my school holidays there will be a more frequent update over the next two weeks to make up. Anyway, thank you for still reading and all the reviews are highly appreciated. Again, sorry, I have not given up.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: The Girl Who Is Probably Annoyed At Me**

I wake up in what appears to be the morning. I can't remember the point at which I fell asleep last night but I feel groggy. I manage to find the light switch and when the light flickers on I look around the room as I was doing last night. Everything has gone back to normal, nothing is spinning any more. I jump out of bed, happy that everything is right again. My stomach rumbles in hunger so I decide to start to walk to the dining room. When I get there Griyya, Mags, Annie and Brendan are all already sitting around the table, eating in silence.

"Oh nice of you to finally join Finnick!" Griyya says sarcastically.

"Woah, what did I do?" I ask, startled by Griyya's attitude.

"Do you know what day it is today Finnick?" she asks, "It's the last day of training! And can you remember what happens on the last day of training?"

"Shit!" I exclaim. Today is the private sessions with the Gamemakers. I realise I don't even know how training is going.

"That's right. Luckily, no thanks to you, we've already sorted what Brendan and Annie are doing. Annie will show a range of survival skills and Brendan will be using the cross bow." she spits at me.

"Ok, chill woman!" I tell her. I know what I've been doing is wrong. I've been so caught up in my problems; I forget Annie's and Brendan's. And I feel terrible for it. I just can't be dealing with Griyya getting all stressed on me. "Look, Brendan, Annie I'm really sorry about all this. How's it going with the Careers Bren?"

"Well, I sit with them at lunch, they haven't asked me to join yet." he says. I remember telling him I'd go and speak to Cashmere, Gloss, Brutus and Enobaria. I hate Brutus and Enobaria but I suppose Gloss and Cashmere are ok. They both know what it's like to be used by Snow so we get on well (neither of them are quite as popular as me though).

"Good, that sounds as if it's going well" I tell him trying to be encouraging. "I really am sorry you two for being a crap mentor. I was being selfish and idiotic and I'll be the best I can be from now on." It's a promise. And not one that I intend to break.

"I would normally be cool about it and tell you that it's ok and rubbish but it's really not Odair. This is our lives on the line." Brendan says, his arms crossed in anger. It's kind of weird, since he's only twelve and he's telling me to be more serious but I know I was totally out of line. How would I feel if it were me being neglected like I did to Brendan and Annie?

I have nothing else to say so I look down at my plate in remorse. I really wish that I'm not so good at screwing everything I do up. We are all too consumed in our food to speak to one another, that is until I notice someone standing behind me. I look around to see a Peacekeeper all in white carrying a letter with the unmistakable handwriting on it and I nearly choke on my cereal. I can already smell the sickly white roses and he hands the letter to be with a brief, "Mr Odair," and an abrupt nod of the head.

"Thank you." I tell him, just to be polite, of course I don't mean it and then I dismiss him and open up the letter. It reads:

_Finnick,_

_I suggest you stop whatever you are getting up to right this instance. Being abusive isn't going to make you seem attractive or desirable, is it? This afternoon you will come to the TV studios where you will make a formal statement in denial of the allegations. You may want to be especially charming as I know precisely where Mags is and it would be a real shame if anything happened to her_

_Cornelius Snow._

I drop the letter on my plate and look up in shock. Mags' life is depending on one interview. I really hope I get a script for it, so I can't mess it all up. If not I have no idea what I'm going to say however I know I will receive a script; Snow doesn't want to lose any business. I can't move though, I'm stuck, like a mannequin. I see someone pick up the letter, I know its Mags as I see her hand. I don't want her to know. She doesn't know that she's being used like this and I should have told her. At the same time I don't stop her.

I can't see her reaction as I stare right at the wall, not moving a muscle. I hear paper being scrunched into a ball though and feel a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Finnick, do you need to talk about it?" she whispers into my ear. I finally manage to take myself out of the trance and shake my head. I can't bear to talk about it.

"Brendan, tell me about the Careers this year, is it a good pack?" I ask, to try and divert attention towards him. I'm shocked with how normal my voice sounds.

* * *

"Sorry Mags, I guess I should have told you." I tell her when it's just us two left sitting on the table.

"Doesn't matter, its hard." she says.

"Yeah, but it's your business too, so I apologise for not letting you know. It was cowardly."

"Don't say that. What you did wasn't cowardly, what you're doing isn't cowardly is the bravest thing I've seen a person do. Don't worry about me though. You can refuse anytime Finnick. I want you to actually." she tells me, her hand over mine. I look into her eyes that are tear filled and I know straight away I never can.

"You know as well as I do Mags that I will never let that happen. You mean far too much to me to let myself do that." I say and she closes her eyes.

"Everyone has to die; I don't have much time left. I won't mind." I look at her and I wish she could understand. Why I'll never let that happen. She's always been here for me, always a shoulder to cry on, a friend through tough times. I'll be damned the day I let her die. I will take everything the world can throw at me to keep her safe.

"And you're going to live all the years you have left, I refuse to stand beside and let you die. I promise that you will never die under my watch. You're family to me and families stick together."

"You're still fighting," she says opening her eyes again and looking into mine, her hand on my check, "most people in your situation wouldn't be so good hearted and selfless, this is just showing how strong you really are. And Snow knows it. He knows he can never take this part of you away from you…"

I cut her off by saying, "no, he can just use it against me."

"People like him take what makes us best, what makes us ourselves and tries to make it something to be used against us. As long as you don't let him know how you feel everything will be ok." she tells me.

"I know Mags, but it's so hard." I say, feeling so fragile, only one step away from breaking down.

* * *

"I would like to oppose recent allegations being made about me, stating that I am abusive and a danger. Whilst all the evidence is pointing my way, it's not true. The injuries I sustained were from an unfortunate accident last night whilst I was drunk. I wasn't myself and I sincerely apologise for drinking that much. It will not happen again people of Panem, I assure you." I say, looking at the script on the podium where I'm standing on, directly at the camera, which is flashing to show that I am live on air. Snow thankfully wrote my apology, so it is very hard for me to mess up.

"Also, I would like to apologise to Astrell Bennaka, for alleged allegations about me abusing her. I know this must be a very stressful time for her and I would like to ask the media to back away from her. I am sorry towards everyone who's been affected by this incident and would like to wish a Happy Hunger Games to everyone." I finish and a man shouts "Cut, we're off air."

I step down from the podium and wipe the sweat that has collected on my forehead. I let out a sigh of relief, glad that everything went ok and I didn't mess up. Knowing that Mags will still be safe. At the same time annoyed, Snow knew that last line would get me angry, that's precisely why he put it in there. So it looks as if I'm supporting his barbaric Games. "Good job Mr Odair. It should be on the News channels tonight, just before the scores are announced so most people will see it." the director with indigo hair, a massive amount of makeup and a ridiculously awful outfit tells me.

"Ok, thanks." I call back. "Do you need me anymore, or am I free to go?"

"The President didn't mention anymore so you're probably fine to go now." he tells me.

"See you then." I tell him and I walk out the door, trying to make my way out of the building, to where a car will be waiting for me. I've been in the television studio so many times I know my way out. As I walk half the people move away from me in revulsion, probably the ones who think I'm a sick, abusive player whereas others greet me like I'm an old friend, which despite being sickening is quite comforting, knowing that not everyone despises me.


	11. The Girl Who's Given Up

**A/N: Sorry, I know I said I'd write more but I got BBC Sherlock on DVD for Christmas and my family have been coming over and stuff so I've been preoccupied. I'll attempt to get the next chapter up by Saturday! Thanks for still reading!**

* * *

**Chapter 11: The Girl Who's Given Up**

I hold her hand (with my uninjured one of course) as we watch the TV. The scores are going to come up after the news and we're all completely stuffed after dinner. Annie sits right next to me as we watch the program and our hands are behind us so no one can see that we're holding hands. I know there's nothing between us or anything but I don't want people to think that there is. I know somehow if it looks as though anything is between Annie and I Snow would find out. And I really don't want to put Mags at risk. She means far too much to me.

As we watch the news I hear the reporter say, "Today Finnick Odair, the Victor of the 65th Hunger Games stated officially that he never hurt Astrell Benneka, here is his apology." It cuts to me standing on the podium, with the noticeable stitches across my hands and sullen eyes. But I'm good with the cameras and I am very convincing (or at least I think I am). I feel Annie squeeze my hand tighter as the tension of the whole situation fills the room. I'm very thankful for it, considering I'm the one who's supposed to be comforting her.

They go back to the studio and start to discuss my statement. I just stare blankly at the screen feeling my palm growing sweaty in Annie's small delicate hand. I can't concentrate on what's going on on the TV so I look at her. She's so beautiful. I wish she knew that I thought about her every minute of the day or how much it is hurting inside. Even if she did, she probably wouldn't like me back. Annie's not the sort of girl who goes for guys like me. I can tell she doesn't. I've been trying so hard to discard this feeling yet it just grows stronger as I try to fight it. I wish I know what it is about her that turns my mind to utter rubbish and makes my heart beat scarily fast.

I turn back to look at the TV when Annie notices that I'm looking at her, and I quickly look down at my lap, she can't know that I've just been staring for the past five minutes. When I look I see that the News is over and the scores program is just coming on screen. Annie tenses and I whisper into her ear, "its fine Annie. You'll probably do great."

"What if I don't." she whispers in response, "what if I do terrible and then no one sponsors me"

"They will sponsor you Annie. I'll make sure of it." I say. And I know I will. I'll do whatever it takes, including selling myself. She can't die. I won't let it happen. She just scrunches her eyes shut and I see the presenters say that there showing the scores of District One. "It's ok Annie, I'm right here." I whisper and squeeze her hands to reiterate my point. I can't help but let the smile spread over my face when I feel that she's squeezing back.

"What are you two whispering about?" Brendan asks inquisitorially as on the screen a nine flashes up on next to the boy from District One.

"Nothing." Annie says innocently, opening her eyes and looking over at Brendan. He looks suspiciously still but slowly turns away from us. I look back at the screen to see the girl from One scoring a ten. So does the boy from Two, though the girl from Two only scores an eight which is quite surprising as she was a volunteer. I feel Annie tense up as Three comes up as she knows it's only a matter of time. The tributes from Three both score a six, then I start to feel Annie shaking.

I grip tighter to try and stop her and stroke the back of her hand steadily, hoping it will soothe her. Brendan comes on screen and an eight comes up next to his name. I'm about to praise Brendan but I can't because I'm far too nervous finding out what Annie's going to score. A picture of her that highlights the childlike innocent comes up and a five appears next to her name. I see her breathing shake more and I feel the pulse in her hand increase. "It's ok Annie." I tell her but I know it's not. Everyone's just going to ignore her and my job to find her sponsors has just become about ten times harder.

"Well done Brendan." I tell him happily punching him on the arm friendly. I want to comfort Annie but at the same time I have to be supportive of Brendan. I can't just ignore everything he does.

"Yeah, you did really well Bren." Annie says smiling but I see the tears in her eyes.

"Thanks, did you talk to the other mentors about me joining the Careers?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply, still stroking Annie's hand, "they said they'll talk to their tributes about having you on." I say. It was annoying, I admit, Gloss and Cashmere weren't too bad and they did say they'd ask if there was a possibility of letting him join. Enobaria and Brutus however were complete nightmares. They just sneered at the prospect of letting a twelve year old join the Careers and then started to turn it on me with the whole Astrell situation. I hate Brutus, all the time he was talking; I had a burning passion to punch him in his smug little nose, the prick!

"Thanks, mate." he says then goes back to smugly smiling to himself. He has a good reason to be happy and I don't blame him but I see the pure fear in Annie's eyes.

"Annie, it's fine. It's not so bad." I tell her.

"Who's going to sponsor me now Finnick?" she asks, looking straight into my eyes.

"I will do anything and everything to keep you alive. You know that. I won't give up until you come out of the arena alive." I whisper quietly.

"I'm tired." Annie says, letting go of my hand and getting up from the chair. "I think I might go to sleep." With that she walks out of the room and I see a fresh tear run down her face.

I want to follow her out but I think I need to give her some time to be alone. "So," Brendan asks, sounding very pleased with himself, "what are we doing tomorrow?"

"Errm, its interview day tomorrow isn't it? That means you'll be spending the morning with me and Mags working on what angle you're going to portray which is very important then in the afternoon you'll be getting changed and stuff for the interview then it's the interview." I say.

"Oh right." he says, "Do you know if I'm going to be wearing something reasonable this time?"

"Don't worry, I got that sorted. I spoke to your stylist and you're going to be wearing a plain navy blie suit."

"Thank God for that." he says happily.

"It's the least I could do really." I shrug.

We stay and watch the rest of all the scores in silence but I don't particularly pay attention to the numbers flashing up next to the faces. All I can think of is Annie. Is she ok? Will she still see the point in trying? Or is it that her confidence has been completely knocked? I hope not. I can do everything I can to try and keep her alive but at the end of the day I know that's not enough if she doesn't try. And we both know it. Brendan has a chance now with his score. He at least has a chance to get into the Careers. He'll last a little longer than he would have otherwise. However with them being bigger and older they will kill him off easily. I probably shouldn't be thinking like this but I've seen so many Games, it's just the way it is.

By the time both of Haymitch's kids have come up on screen, I'm absolutely shattered. I've had a busy day, so stretching whilst I yawn I get up, "It's late, better get some sleep." I say. I'm about to leave when I see Brendan kicking his feet up on the sofa and reclining. "Brendan." I snap at him.

"Yeah, what?" he asks in a not bothered tone.

"Bed, now." I tell him.

"Aww, why? It's so unfair." he whines.

"You'll thank me later you know. You need all the sleep you can get because you only have two nights left. In the Games you'll have no sleep because you'll either be on watch for your pack or too worried to go asleep."

"But I'm not tired!" he complains in a whining tone.

"Stop being cocky. I know precisely what I'm doing, I was in the pack, I've been through it all. So go to bed, now." I say, getting angry about his arrogance. That's where I went wrong!


	12. The Boy I Let Down

**Chapter 12: The Boy I Let Down**

I dig my nails right into my hand as I watch tensely. It hurts, especially my injured hand but it's all I can do. I went over it with Annie but that doesn't necessarily mean it will go well. She knows the angle is funny and sweet. Mags' was working on Brendan's angle but we agreed it would be tough yet charming. The boy from District Three is just on screen talking to Caesar Flickerman. I bite my lip in anxiety. Mags notices it and says, "Don't worry Finnick, It'll be fine."

"Thanks Mags." I tell her unclenching my hand and putting it over Mags'.

The interview with the small, nerdy boy from District Three finishes and Caesar smiles at the camera. "Now onto our Tributes from District Four. First I would like you all to give a warm welcome to the beautiful, Miss Annie Cresta."

When the camera turns to point at her my heart pounds against my rib cage. Caesar was right. She is beautiful. Her shoulder length chocolate brown hair falls in perfect waves. Her pale face contrasts with the long bright blue dress that reaches the floor and hardly shows anything. She looks pretty, sweet. I smile to myself when I see her. She seems apprehensive, but who wouldn't be. Everyone claps for her and the checks turn from a pale white to a light red as she blushes and blinks as the spotlight hits her eyes. She smiles when she sees the camera on her, but I know it's a fake smile. There's no sparkle in her green eyes.

"Well hello there Annie." he says smiling ridiculously into the camera.

"Hi." she says sweetly smiling at him.

"So Annie, we all know that you're stunningly pretty but what do you think your main advantage will be in the Games?" he asks. It's good that she has someone like Caesar interviewing her. I remember when he interviewed me; it was incredibly easy as he did all the work.

"Um, well I can survive. I know how to fend for myself. I know it's not much but it's the best I can do." she shrugs simply.

"Well Annie, I think it will come in handy, being able to survive. Are you worried about the Games?" he asks. It's all silent. I'm nervous about how she's going to reply to this one.

"Of course I'm worried, but I'm going to try as hard as I can." she says. I smile again because I believe that she's telling the truth.

"Well we hope so. Have you got any boy back at home?" he asks her. I tense up at the question. I know the answer but for some reason I feel angry all of a sudden, jealous even.

"No. I'm not really the type of girl that boys fall for." she says biting her lip and there is a pitying 'aww' from the audience. I nearly laugh at the statement. I can't believe that she can't tell that I'm head over heels for her.

"Well Annie, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who'd love to be your girlfriend." he says. 'Got that right' I think to myself.

"I'm not sure about that." she says giving her small innocent smile, looking shyly into the camera.

The bell rings and Caesar says, "Well Annie, I'm sorry but that's our time up. We all wish you the best of luck." Everyone cheers loudly and Annie walks back to her place.

Next Brendan comes up. As the applause fills the room on the surround sound speakers Mags says to me, "Well that didn't go too badly, did it?"

"Brendan Ferran. Welcome." Caesar says after the noise the audience is making dies down.

"Hey Caesar. It's great to be here!" he says smiling into the camera.

"It's great to have you. And your amazing score in training! Tell us, what did you show for the Games Makers?" he asks with a stupidly cheesy smile right into the camera.

"Well Caesar, I know that this is all supposed to be kept secret but I guess it won't harm to let you and all the viewers know." he says, smirking cheekily.

"We promise that we won't tell." Caesar says laughing. The audience join in but I just sit there, not understanding what is funny about any of it.

"Well, I'm pretty skilled with the crossbow Caesar." he says.

"Ah, really," Caesar replies, "so you fancy your chances of winning then Brendan?"

"'Course I do." he says chuckling.

"What would you like to say about yourself to everyone out their Brendan?"

"Well, I suppose just don't underestimate me. Just because I'm young, doesn't mean that I'm weak." Brendan says and the bell rings.

"Well that's it Brendan. We all know you'll do splendidly!" Caesar says and Brendan gets up to walk back to his own place.

My grip on Mags' hand relaxes when I see it's over now, and it all went alright. I breathe in deeply in pure relief that it's over. And Annie looked far too sweet for Snow to want to do anything with her. That is if she's going to win. I mean of course she is. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. What if it's just my heart's desire that Annie wins. What if it's not the fact that I think she can win it's that I need her to win! She just _has_ to. I mean, what would I do without her?

"Don't worry Finnick. Now we just have to worry about getting sponsors." she says.

"You say that like it'll be easy!" I scoff. All of a sudden the phone rings out. I reach over to grab it.

"Hello, Finnick speaking." I say.

"Hey Odair." a voice replies to me, "this is Gloss."

"Oh, hey Gloss. Who's died?" I ask surprised by the call.

"No one mate. I want to talk to you about Brendan." he says. This can't be good, I think.

"Yeah, what about him?" I ask.

"Well my tributes and I have been discussing the alliance and so has Brutus with his." he starts. I clench my free fist in rage at Brutus' name. And at the mention of Brutus I know that this can't be good whatsoever. "They decided that I may be better if Brendan doesn't join the pack. It'll be better for everyone mate. The pack can't be dealing with a twelve year old kid and I doubt he's got many sponsors lining up, does he?"

"Ah, come on mate. Please do this one favour for me. Please." I beg to him.

"I can't. I'm sorry. I really, really want to help you out now. I just can't. This is my kids' lives on the line and I won't give them up so easily so that your little kid can survive one more day than he would have otherwise. Sorry mate." Gloss says.

"No, no. It's cool. Don't worry about it." I shrug, pretending to be cool though in reality I am completely peeved of. And Brendan won't be too happy when he finds out he's not in. God knows what he's going to end up doing.

"No hard feelings then, Odair? You know it's nothing personal."

"Yep, no hard feelings. I know that and I wish all your tributes good luck." I say however I'm thinking to myself that I hope all the Careers die in the bloodbath as they're Annie's biggest threats.

"Yours too mate, yours too." he tells me before I put the phone down and slowly run my hands down my face in anguish.

"Fucking Careers!" I spit out.

"What happened?" Mags asks.

"Gloss. That's what happened. Brendan's not been accepted into the Careers which is shit for us." I sigh in frustration.

"Can you blame them?"

"Yeah. How do I know that Gloss even tried? Sure maybe he did but I know for sure Brutus and Enobaria didn't. They hate my guts and I know they're trying to make it personal!" I complain.

"You don't know that. Anyway, Brendan will be ok, he'll adapt just fine." Mags says.

"Well you can tell him the news then. He's already pissed of enough at me." I say angrily. "I'm going to bed now. I can't deal with seeing them when they come in." I say getting up. When I say that I mean I don't think I'll be able to bear the disappointment on Brendan's face or seeing Annie and being reminded of her score and how hard this is all going to be providing sponsors for her. They're not exactly lining up, as Gloss mentioned.

"I know there's something up. You've not exactly been the best mentor during the course of these days." Mags says.

"It's just…" I start yet I can't seem to finish it. It can't tell Mags about Annie, I mean she doesn't even like me; I don't think anyway… "It doesn't matter, I'm tired anyway."

I walk to my room slowly and jump into the large, warm bed, with my clothes still on. I just slip down the pleasantly toasty mattress and pull the large, green cover over my head. I want to slip out of the world and just go into oblivion, where I feel calm, with no trouble and no Games. And I need to get Annie to stop consuming my mind, refusing to let me think straight. It's so much harder than it should be. I'm tapping the matress in a steady rhythm to give me something to do but it's not enough.

I have to get something to distract me from thinking so I jump out of the bed in the distress of the situation and walk over to the table. I search desperately for the one thing I need to take it all away. I open up the draw on the desk and there the short piece of worn out rope. I snatch it from its place and take it to my bed. I don't bother with the duvet. I just tie. Different intricate knots. It always helps, never fails. All I concentrate on is the ropes; how my fingers move and the numerous patterns that I can make.

I hear Annie and Brendan's voices. They're back. I hear Mags talking and scrunch up my eyes, as if it will help drown out their voices in any way. I know it won't. So instead I just tie more and more, with my eyes still closed. When I finally open my eyes I see that my fingers are raw red and blisters are starting to form. I guess I just didn't notice the rope burn as I'm so used to the aching, sore feeling in my fingers from hours on end of just tying.


	13. The Girl Who Can Never Like Me

**Chapter 13: The Girl Who Can Never Like Me**

I look over at the clock and realise it's one in the morning. I've been tying knots continually for hours now. My fingers are a rich crimson colour. I try and move my fingers but they feel stiff and swollen so it hurts, though I've been through worse. Much, much worse. I know I'm not going to be able to sleep any more though. I just walk out of my room and down into the living area. I don't know why I chose to go there specifically.

I'm about to walk past it, to the sink where I can acquire a drink of water but I notice a figure curled up on the sofa. I look over, closely. Squinting I see who it is, it's Annie. "Annie?" I ask apprehensively. I don't know if she's noticed me yet. I see her sit up as she hears her name and see her startled eyes.

"Finnick?" she asks.

"Yeah. Can't sleep?" I ask, walking over to the sofa where she sits and I plonk myself next to her.

"No." Annie says, "I'm absolutely terrified."

"I had the same problem." I say, "Just remember what you've learnt and use your instinct. Don't take any stupid risks. Weapons and supplies may be tempting but you need to run. For your life."

"Please, if I don't make it, look after my dad. He can't cope without me. I don't mean you have to look after him, but please just check up on him once or twice and please tell him I loved him. He was the best dad ever and I'm sorry that I died." she says, her eyes filled with dread and anxiety, which is completely understandable.

"Of course I will Annie. But you're still going to try, aren't you?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll try." she says. She's looking into my eyes. We're inches away and I can see her chest as it moves up and down in coalition with her breaths. I'm tempted to tell her everything. Tell her about the hopeless crush I have on her and how beautiful she is to me. I want to let her know she's all I want and I can't even begin to think about her dying. I want to tell her how much I want to kiss her lips and look into her beautiful eyes everyday and tell her how pretty to me I think she is.

The silence is too awkward and I have the urge to fill it, so quickly I ask her, "What's your favourite colour." Stupid question, I know, but it's the first thing that comes to my mind and I say it before I can stop myself.

"Purple, I guess." she says looking at me oddly. She had every right to, why would I ask _that _question! 'Well done Odair' I think to myself, 'real smooth.'

"Oh. Mines blue. Or I suppose I like greeny-blue, like the ocean. It reminds me of home." I say to her trying to keep the conversation going.

"Home." she sighs to herself, looking off into the distance in the small room. My heart rate is increasing with every word she says as I look at her pale face. I wish it didn't hurt inside so much.

I need to say it. It's crushing me inside. "I really like you Annie." I quickly blurt out. She immediately turns my way and looks at me. I start to blush, dark red.

"I like you too! You're my friend." she says smiling a bit reassuringly.

"No Annie, I don't mean it in that way. I mean I like like you. I have a crush on you. And I just need you to know. I really need you to know how I feel because it's wrong if you don't. So yeah. It's out now." I say, mumbling the last sentence. I finally admitted it. Now it's time for her reaction.

"I've got to go Finnick." she says. She gets up and just leaves. Great! I watch as I leave and I want to say something but it feels as if there's something blocking my throat. Everything inside me feels numb. Like I'm not even here anymore. I feel a warm wet tear roll down my face and close my eyes.

"Idiot." I mutter to myself in despair, as if she'd ever like me back in a million years. I just had to get my hopes up didn't I? To get them crushed back down again. Why couldn't I just keep it quiet? I mean she probably thinks I'm mental after every weird thing I've said to her. Then there's the breaking the glass thing and not to mention the numerous times I've broken into tears. She's seen me take so many innocent lives. And I didn't exactly help her when she was being bullied. It's obvious now that I think of it and I know I should never have told her.

Some things are best kept secret. I just wasn't meant for love. It will just have to be unrequited. Why do people even fall in love? What good does it do to anyone? I wish I wasn't able to love. I wish it was all cold inside! I wish I didn't have to feel anything. Then again I'm glad I'm not like that. Yes, it would be easier but what sort of life would it be?

I put my feet up onto the sofa and I curl up into a ball. I want to get so small, so tiny, that I just disappear. I want to become invisible to everyone else and just forget everything, everyone! I don't want to have to exist anymore! I fall asleep. Sleep is good, it takes everything away and I can just forget. At least forget for a couple of hours. And I try to forget the fact that I'll have to wake up in the morning, though I really wish I didn't have to. And the fact that I'll be waking up on my own. I'll always be waking up on my own. I don't deserve Annie's love.

* * *

I awake and look at the clock. It's six in the morning. I'm used to be up at this time because in the fishing business, the early bird catches the worm (or a more appropriate phrase would be the early fisherman catches the fish). I realize I spent the night on the sofa and sit up stretching my arms. Everything hits me very suddenly. What happened last night, the feeling of rejection and more importantly what today is. The start of the games. The tributes usually have to leave with the stylists at around half six to go to the hovercraft to the arena and this year will be no different.

I've got half an hour. I need to apologise to Annie. It wasn't fair to expect her to like me; I shouldn't have put that pressure on her. She has her own free will and I can't make anyone love me, even if it hurts to know that it's all for nothing. I just have to deal with it, I'm happy with still being just friends with her. However I don't particularly want to go into Annie's room looking like a right state. I need to at least get dressed and sort out my hair, quickly, of course.

Once I look presentable I walk down the hall till I'm standing outside her door. I breathe in deeply and close my eyes as I know, building up the courage I need to see her after last night. I knock on the door timidly, not wishing to disturb her if she's asleep. I'm relieved when I hear her voice call from the room, "Come in."

So I open the door and try to ignore my heart pounding against my chest in apprehension. She's not in the room but the bathroom door is wide open. I move to the opening and see her back. I look at her face in the mirror, and see the tensing of her expression as she sees me standing behind her, she doesn't look around, but instead stares fixated on my reflection. "Annie." I say pleasantly, smiling slightly.

"Finnick." she replies in the same tone that I used. We look at each others' faces in the mirror and I'm glad it's here because I don't think I would be able to bear looking at her real face, under risk of breaking into tears.

"Sorry." I blurt out abruptly. "That's what I need to say. And good luck Annie, I know you can do it. If you want me to go now just say and I'll leave."

"Don't go. And you shouldn't be sorry, it's me. It was just a shock, and all a bit sudden and I didn't know what to do and I shouldn't have left but I didn't know what else to do and-" she says, getting more flustered by the second.

I walk up closer to her, so I can touch her and I place my hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry about it. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter if you don't like me back because I won't stop liking you." I say. There all lies but I know its how I should feel. I should want her to be happy and find a guy. But I can't. I want her to be mine. It makes me feel so selfish and horrible.

"No. I don't deserve you Finnick. You're too good for me. You're so nice, so pure."

"No. I'm really not. I'm not who you think I am Annie." I say and I can't help stop the tears run down my face, falling to the bathroom floor. I take my hand of Annie's shoulder. I forgot about everything I had done, until Annie used the word 'pure'. She doesn't know what I've done. How many girls I've slept with. It makes me feel sick thinking about it. Thinking about how Annie would act if she knew, knew that I'm a prostitute! She wouldn't be saying these things. "You can't like me Annie, it's dangerous. Too dangerous. If you knew everything you'd be disgusted."

"No, I'd never be disgusted!" she exclaims and now tears are running down her face, they're still running down mine. "I don't want you to like me though. We both now that I'm going to die and I don't want you to be upset about it. Promise me you won't be upset when I die."

There's a pain in my chest shooting up my body at her words. "I could _never_ promise you that Annie. And you're going to survive." I say, however my voice is shaking and the tears still coming.

"But if I do Finnick, don't be upset," she starts but I put my hands over my ears to drown out her talking. I don't need her planting seeds of doubt in my mind. I can't have her doing that. I turn to leave. I can't have her saying this. Just as she sees me walking out of the door, not being strong enough to continue to listen to what she's saying. She turns me around so I'm looking at her, right into her tear ridden, red eyes. The green is blurred with the tears forming constantly that roll down her beautiful face. She moves my hands from my ears so I can listen then says. "Never forget me." Then I feel a soft touch of lips against my check. I want to stay in this moment forever but I'm feeling so crappy. I turn around again and walk out of a room not responding to her statement.

I don't want the fact that she may die to be possible. She's going to live. She has to, for me! I go to my room, slowly walking. I don't know what's going to happen between Annie and I if she survives (I mean when, of course) but I'm already thinking of ways to convince her that she shouldn't like me. It completely contradicts the fact that I want her to love me so much and I want to be with her. I want to kiss her and tell her how beautiful she is every day. I want to make her smile and laugh. I want to brighten up her day, share her pain. Everything about her I want. Let me rephrase that I need! I need everything about her! But she'd never like me if she knew everything and I couldn't be with her if she didn't know. And I don't want her to know. I don't want her to have to think of that whenever she sees my face. I want her to like me as much as I like her, but I can't let her. Everything's so confusing in my mind; I don't know what to do! I feel like screaming at the world, but it wouldn't care! I'll just have to wait and see what happens and focus on the present, more importantly keeping Annie alive.


	14. The Girl Who I Need To Keep Alive

**Chapter 14: The Girl Who I Need To Keep Alive**

I sit at the desk looking at the many screens and buttons in front of me showing me every camera in the arena. The ones in front of Mags and I are focusing on Brendan and Annie, and the others are respective of the mentors sitting, watching them. The twenty three of us in the room are all looking on nervously watching the clock on the large screen flashing a large number 56. Under a minute till everything kicks off. I tap my finger on the desk, waiting. No one can hear it as we're all wired into headsets, giving us information on the tributes and possible sponsors. I know there are two people who have already given a small amount towards Brendan and Annie, I think it's because they have sons Brendan's age so are naturally concerned when they see a young boy who poses as a reminder to their sons.

I'm not concentrating on what I hear through the headsets though; I just look at Annie's face, examining her. She seems to be giving a quick glance to those around her in the arena, but more interested in the arena. She looks in front of her to see a desert with a river running through it, from the big lake with a large damn blocking the water going any further, which the tributes are all circled around. The Cornucopia is next to the lake on the side furthers from her. But I gave her enough advice not to go there so I hope she will acknowledge it. On the opposite side to the desert, directly behind her is a smallish hill covered in vegetation. I see various fruit trees.

I understand what the Gamemakers have done. A huge advantage to the Careers! One of their sponsors is probably close to a Gamesmaker. it has to be corrupt somehow. I doubt there's any water on the side of vegetation and the other way is a desert, however with water as an added feature. That means, like always the Careers will win the Bloodbath and occupy the area in a mile radius of the Cornucopia with access to both water and food.

I hope Annie goes towards the vegetation, over the hill. The desert is too open and it would mean going through the Bloodbath, plus the Careers would be able to spot her easily in the desert. The arena suits aren't particularly discreet. A lime green, long sleeved t-shirt made from what looks like quite a light material indicating it will get quite hot and then brown knee length shorts. Not the most attractive outfit, in fact it's rather horrendous and my eyes hurt from looking at it. The person who came up with this year's outfit should never be able to put clothes together ever again!

I hear the number nineteen be called out then all of a sudden I see a blast of light and a deafening explosion. Someone stepped off the plate. I see the shock on Annie's face; it's gone a whole lot paler. She looks as if she's seen a ghost. It's not a pretty sight, the blood and pieces of flesh splattered in a big circle around the plate. I hear gasps of shock around the room and see Beetee with had hands in his face. Wiress sits there, looking lost, as if she's not really there. If there was a choice she wouldn't be here but Wiress and Beetee are the only Victors left from District 3.

However I know from Beetee's reaction it's one of his kid's. I hear in the commentary that it's the boy. He was bright. I know that. I know he wouldn't have stepped up by accident. It was suicide. I sigh to myself; then again I can't blame him. His chances of survival were tiny; he just managed to take the easy way out. I understand exactly how he feels. I can't understand why more people don't opt out that way, instead of a couple of days living in absolute fear and watching the brutalities fold out. I just hope it doesn't affect Annie much.

I see her frantically looking around, as if she was searching for someone. Her eyes lock on Brendan who's six plates away from her to her left. The number ten is called out and I gulp down the lump in my throat. I want to know what she's thinking about as I see something ticking in her eyes. But what? Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two. One.

The gong sounds and everyone very quickly moves into action. Thankfully Annie doesn't seem too phased by the whole suicide of the boy from Three, or at least if she is, she doesn't show it on screen. She starts to run and I smile slightly, relieved by the fact she's trying but my stomach drops when I realise she's running the wrong way. She's running towards Brendan who's running over towards her. They've obviously planned this! Heart racing, I ask Mags, "Did you know about this?"

"No." she says, shaking her head and looking just as confused as I am at the turn of events.

I see her grab Brendan's hand and run the opposite way to before, towards the forest. They both look terrified and pale. I see by the Cornucopia the Bloodbath had just begun and I hope Annie and Brendan get away ok. They're sprinting for their lives. All of a sudden out of nowhere an arrow comes and flies just by Annie's ear, slicing a bit of flesh off and letting blood seep out. She looks sick. but not too injured. "Keep running, Annie." I whisper to the screen.

They do as I say even though I know they can't hear me. They get into the forest. They're going to have food their but I don't know where the source of water will be. I know exactly what the Gamemakers have done and I'm guessing that I will need to send some water or figure something out. And to send water I'm going to need a lot more sponsors for them. "Eugh," I groan, "Mags how much is water?"

Mags get's up the gifts on the screen. It's not so bad. At least now it's not. It's not even five minutes in and as the Games progress it'll get a lot dearer. We have just enough money for one flask of water. I look back at the screen and Brendan and Annie are still running. I decide that I'm not going to miss anything important, they're doing fine. And we really need to get more sponsors. So I get up and move the large room where rich citizens of the Capitol sit and watch a big screen, eyeing up which tributes to sponsor.

The mentors are allowed to go in and try to convince the rich, eager men and women to sponsor their tributes. This year I look like the first to try and convince them. I walk in and see there's hardly anyone in the room. Those who are congregate around, talking to one another, pointing at some of the tributes who appear on the screen. I slowly walk over to where they stand and smile. They all know who I am, clearly.

"Hey." I say to them. A couple of them look at me, worriedly and I see some of the men put arms around women. The other apparently single women giggle and whisper to each other. "How are you all doing today?"

"Fine, thank you." one of them chirps in.

"So you're thinking of sponsoring a tribute." I ask, directing the question at the confident one who answered the question. She has massive ginger curls and bright green lips that seem strangely large. Apart from that and he outfit she seems normal enough, by Capitol standards.

"Yes, I was wondering if you could give me some advice on who to chose?" she asks.

"Yeah, we could go over there," I say pointing to the other side of the room, after taking the hint that she was clearly coming onto me. Time to get my charm on, "where we can be in a little more privacy." I smile cheekily at her and she smiles too and walks over to where I stand.

We stand in the corner and she looks into my eyes. I can't look into her eyes knowing that I'm about to start manipulating her. "So, you know my name, how 'bout yours?"

"Amenthea." she says smiling.

"A beautiful name for a beautiful girl." I tell her flirtatiously feeling sick at the words.

"Oh, stop it." she says laughing, "So which tribute do you think I should sponsor?"

"Hmm, well District Four aren't looking bad this year." I say.

"You're only saying that because you're their mentor." she says smirking.

"Now, why would I do that?" I say smiling mischievously, knowing that girls always seem to go crazy for that smile.

"Hey, what do you say to going out for a drink later tonight?" Amenthea asks me.

"I'd love to, but I need to find sponsors for my tributes, seeming as you don't seem too interested..." I trail off.

"Well my husband is very high up." she says, trying to show off to me. "So I guess I could spend a bit of cash on sponsoring them. Maybe then you'd like to go out with me?"

"Well that might make me available. I could meet you at eight in the bar downstairs from here. Just tell the guards and people you're here to see Finnick Odair." I say, keeping the act up. It's a small price to pay for Annie's life.

"Great, see you soon." she says and she walks back over to her group of friends. I sigh in disbelief of the Capitol women and start to walk back over to the control room.


	15. The Girl Who's Surviving

**Chapter 15: The Girl Who's Surviving.**

I sit staring at the screen blankly and feeling numb inside. It just feels like nothing's there and I long to feel something again. I long to feel anything, instead of being stuck in this robotic state. I stare at Annie and Brendan on the screen as Mags takes a long nap which she needs, given her age. I have just been with Amenthea. On the plus side I got Annie a very generous sponsor who's enabled me to buy Annie and Brendan a flask of water. I'm not proud however of what I had to do to get it. It was short. I should have felt terrible afterwards as well because when she was drunk she told me everything. About how her husband always abuses her and tells her how she's not good enough and always dashes all her hopes. And how he gets violent when he comes back drunk. That's not even the worst part; I know I should have felt awful for manipulating her like that just to get her money and I should have felt just a little remorse! Instead I felt nothing.

I lay back in my chair, looking at the screen feeling nothing and not taking anything in. I see an arm put a large pint glass don't in front of me, and of course anxious of surprise from my time in the arena I spin around in the chair to see Haymitch standing there, looking grim. I suppose he has an excellent reason after both his tributes were brutally murdered in the Bloodbath. They didn't even appear to put up a fight "Thought you might want something to keep you awake." Haymitch says solemnly, which is odd as I'm so used to him just being drunk and out of his mind.

"Cheers." I reply in a monotone, uninterested in the drink placed in front of me.

"What's up, they're both alive still aren't they?" Haymitch asks, sounding almost jealous of the fact that Annie and Brendan are both still going.

"Yeah, it's not that." I shrug, taking a sip of my pint of beer that I have in front of me.

"So then, what is it?" Haymitch asks, taking the seat next to me. I remove the headphones from my ears and turn to face Haymitch.

"You know, the usual. Getting sponsors and all." I say, knowing that Haymitch will understand exactly what I'm talking about.

"Why? What's the point, are they friends of yours or something?" Haymitch asks inquisitively.

"The girl." I say, looking quickly at the screen seeing Annie and Brendan taking small sips of the water flask.

"Oh. She's something special is she? Well don't let him find out, you know what he'll do." Haymitch tells me desperately.

"Nothing's going to happen though. I can't be with her. Never."

"You can't keep pushing everyone away from you. You can still love her. Even after everything."

"Yeah, you're one to speak aren't you." I scoff at him.

"Not the point." Haymitch tells me, "if you want it go for it."

"I can't. You know that I can't. You know what I do. I wish I could be like you, where he can't hurt me and you're strong enough to refuse to let him use you like he's using me." I tell him, going back to my monotone, as I don't feel anything. Its all well and good saying this stuff but it means nothing when everything inside is just nothingness.

Haymitch gives a low, disconcerting chuckle and says, "No, you're the strong one. He took everything from me and it's my entire fault. They died because of me. What I did in the arena was stupid and the only reason I didn't go into his little _business_ is because he had nothing left to take from me. You're protecting the ones you love but I can't protect mine anymore."

"Look at me; I'm taking advice from Haymitch Abernathy." I exclaim.

"Eh, less of the cheek. I may drink but God, am I still a genius or what?" he says.

"And modest too, as I can see." I say laughing at my own joke after Haymitch doesn't respond to it.

"You look tired." he observes frankly.

"Well it's been a long day and it's not like I got much sleep last night." I shrug.

"I'll tell you what, I'll watch over your tributes whilst you take a little nap. I can wake you up immediately if there are any developments. Right now you won't be able to do anything you're in no good state." Haymitch suggests.

"I can't. I need to know if Annie's ok. I'll never sleep if I'm constantly worrying about her. She means too much to me."

"Look, I wouldn't normally do this," he says to me taking a small container of bright orange coloured pills, "but you need rest. Two of these should knock you out for a good eight hours. I promise I'll wake you and Mags up immediately. Do we have a deal?"

"Why are you doing me a favour? I haven't done anything for you, there's really no need for this." I ask, confused and unnerved by Haymitch's sudden selflessness.

"You haven't done me a favour yet. You can owe me one in a future if I need one. And really I just need something, anything, to keep me preoccupied." he tells me.

"Ok," I agree reluctantly. I may feel numb inside but that doesn't mean I'm not tired. "But just give me one and that should keep me asleep for four hours, right?"

"Right," Haymitch reassures me, taking a pill from the bottle and placing it in my hand. Clasping it tightly I get up from my chair and start to walk to the lift that will take me to the District Four floor, wondering whether it's such a good idea to trust Haymitch, the alcoholic with the life of the girl I love.

When I get to my head, the pill held in front of me in the palm of my hand I decide to trust him, after all he's no idiot, he's been mentoring a lot longer than I have, so I pop the pill into my mouth and wait to drift off, out of reality, just for a while, into a world of my own…

* * *

"Shit!" I exclaim as I look at the time on the clock. I've been asleep for 10 hours. "Haymitch." I growl to myself in anguish. I leap up out of my bed and as quickly as humanly possible I throw on the first clothes that I find in my cupboard. I take a quick glance at myself in the mirror, then comb my hair with my hands. "Haymitch would have woken me up if anything bad had happened to Annie or Brendan wouldn't he?" I ask my reflection.

I realise what I'm doing and how idiotic I must look talking to myself. "What the fuck am I doing?" I ask putting my head in my hands and walking out of the room.

I get to the Control room to see half of the Mentors sitting, watching their tributes on the screen. Some have already lost all their tributes, like District Three, Eleven and Twelve and some of the Mentors are asleep but I sigh in relief when I see Mags sitting, watching the screens in front of her intently. "Mags, I'm so sorry!" I exclaim sitting on the free seat beside her. "I shouldn't have left but I was so tired and the pill was only supposed to last for four hours. It was stupid and completely irresponsible so I apologise."

"You don't have to apologise to me, it's fine. Nothing happened. The Careers as expected are by the Cornucopia and Annie and Brendan are out of sight. If we're lucky they'll completely forget about them. With them as a team they should be able to survive for a while." Mags tells me.

I don't say another word and instead just look at Annie on the screen. She's sitting next to Brendan, sipping at the water, trying to preserve it as there can't be much left. "Do you know any natural sources of water Mags?" I ask.

"Apart from the river on the other side, I haven't seen any. I have seen a salt water lake on this side, but that will just dehydrate them. I don't know about water yet they have blood oranges, so they're not going to be too thirsty."

"We could send a fruit squeezer to give them fruit juice." I suggest.

Mags gets up the Sponsor gifts on the screen and looks for something that's familiar to a fruit squeezer. Eventually she finds something that resembles one. I wince at the price on the screen. "We don't have that money." Mags shrugs, clicking of the list, with a disheartened sigh.

"Well I better get to work finding some more Sponsors then." I say, walking out of the room, not waiting for Mags' opinion on it.


	16. The Only Comfort

**Chapter 16: The Only Comfort**

I sip the coffee on my desk to try and keep me awake as I watch Annie and Brendan sleeping as peacefully as they can in their current environment, seeing if any progress is made. I know there probably won't be any, yet I still watch attentively. Annie looks so sweet and defenceless as she sleeps by Brendan's side. I haven't watched much today, I was busy trying to persuade rich, Capitol women to sponsor Annie and Brendan, rather successfully actually. I got an old couple to sponsor them out of pity of Brendan, they didn't give much but it's the thought that counts. They gave what they could for the well being of him and gave me hope for the citizens of the Capitol. A quite creepy man who seemed very interested in Annie gave a rather substantial sum of money. I wanted to tell him to shut up and fuck off. I hated his interest in Annie yet I managed to keep my cool. He did gave a lot, for which I should be grateful off but I couldn't find it in me to thank him. Finally I convinced a woman to sponsor them. It's for her friend's birthday I think. I wasn't particularly paying attention to everything she was saying about it. I just know she's paid a hell of a lot of money and I'm meeting this friend sometime next week.

Thanks to the contributions of the various Sponsors, there's enough money to purchase the squeezer. They instantly figured out how to use it and I assume they're grateful for it, given the way they lapped up the juice. The Careers went on a short trip into the desert and they killed the little boy from Five and both of them from Six. They're going really fast this year. It's not even been two days and yet fourteen are already gone. That should be enough action for the Gamemakers. They can't do anything more, can they?

* * *

"Finnick, I swear its fine. You can get some sleep. You know I'll wake you in six hours or if there are any developments whatsoever. You really need some rest." Mags commands me. I've tried to be persistent and stubborn but I have been up all night and I'm completely shattered. Caffeine can only do so much to keep me alert.

"Ok, but its fine, but whenever you need me, wake me." I say.

"You just sleep Finnick. Annie and Brendan are tough. They'll be fine and you know it." she tells me. I decide to listen to Mags. Nothing too exciting is happening. They woke up a couple of hours ago and they're just heading west, as far away from the Careers as they can get I think. I don't know how long the arena goes on, but I imagine they must be pretty close to the edge.

Just as I start walking towards the door I hear my name called out and abruptly I stop, turn around and walk back over to Mags who had just beckoned me. "Mags what is it?" I ask.

I don't wait for her to receive my answer. I quickly turn my head to the screen where I see a section of the ground in front of Brendan and Annie crumble inwards. My heart pounds and my stomach seems to be doing back flips as I see what's happened and the look on Annie's face breaks my already shattered heart. She's terrified and it looks like she fixated on the spot. The ground starts crumbling closer to her and I see Brendan grab her arm tightly. "Annie, come on!" he screams. He also has a look of pure terror on his face. I can feel my body trembling yet I can't seem to stop myself from doing so.

"Move." I yell at her as the ground is breaking and she doesn't seem to be doing anything. My voice is hoarse and is breaking as I demand her to get away from the danger. The ground is about to swallow her up and the camera is focusing on her blank face, that seems to be lost in another world. "Come on Annie! Please!" I yell, well aware that she's unable to hear me. Of course she can't hear me. I just hope foolishly that my sheer desperation will make her move and come back to the real world. I see the rest of the Mentors glance at me, with concerned looks but I don't care what they think. I don't care if they think I'm insane, because I might just be and all I really care about at this moment is Annie. I won't be able to handle watching her die.

Brendan shakes her arm and I see her snap out of it, just at the right moment and she begins to sprint, Brandon lagging behind her, still holding onto her arm. I breath a great sigh of relief as I see the ground where Annie was standing on only minutes ago crumble, with the knowledge that she's ok. I don't want to think that if she hadn't snapped out of it when she did she wouldn't be there on the screen. The pain almost cripples me as I think of her dying. Horrible thoughts of her dying plague my mind, engrossing it. I want it to stop as I know she's safe. That's a lie though. She's not safe, not yet. "Annie." I whimper helplessly; knowing that I can't prevent what happens. I see her and Brendan still sprinting yet I continue to whimper her name at the screen.

"Finnick." Mags says calmly, placing her firm hand on my shoulder. "I think you need to go to the room. It'll be fine, Annie will be ok."

"No, I won't be able to sleep. I need to preoccupy myself! Please let me stay Mags!" I plead to her.

"I'm a perfectly capable mentor Finnick. You trust me don't you?"

"Yeah, but-" I start.

She interrupts me abruptly saying, "Well then you go and take a break. Put your mind at ease or you won't be able to do your shift tonight when I need to rest."

"I can't sleep." I say shaking my head.

"I'm sure you can find something to distract yourself." she tells me, I nod quickly then start to slowly vacate the room, knowing exactly where to go to distract me from all this.

As I enter the bar I scan the room to see who is currently in here. There aren't many people, considering the fact it's 10 am in the morning but I quickly find Haymitch sitting by the bar alone with a bottle of whisky. I march over and sit down next to him. "Can't take it, huh? Every mentor gives in eventually. It fills the void. Not successfully but it does." he tells me.

"Yeah, yeah." I say then I call over the bartender and order a pint of beer.

When it's brought over to me Haymitch chuckles and says, "You're going to need something stronger than that if you want to forget."

"Shut up Haymitch." I snap at him as I grab the drink from the table and start to drink it, not stopping to take a breath. When I put it back down on the table there's nothing left. I order another pint to try and drown everything out.

"Look lad." Haymitch says as I pour the next pint down my neck, "I need to ask you a massive favour. It's going to be dangerous as hell. It would be really great though if you're up for it."

"What is it?" I ask, not particularly bothered about what Haymitch has just told me.

"It's a revolution." Haymitch says quietly into my ear. "I can't speak about it now. Not here, but meet me when the Games are over. I'll tell you when and where closer to the time."

"Great!" I shrug, calling over the bartender again to get a shot of whisky, gradually forgetting everything about Annie and what's going on right now as I drink.


	17. The Girl Who's Breaking

**Chapter 17: The Girl Who's Breaking**

I'm trying not to throw up but it's hard after all the alcohol that I drank in the morning. Its early evening now and I've just had a few hours in bed. By that I mean, I stumbled dizzily to my room holding in the vomit threaten to make an appearance despite the lack of food I've had over the past few days, due to my complete lack of appetite. Then I sprawled out on the bed, passed out in a state of complete drunkenness. Now I'm experiencing the hellish pounding in my head, consuming my every move. The sounds of my footsteps on the floor ring back in my head and I feel like I'm going to go insane if it continues.

After splashing some cool, refreshing water onto my face that's pale in colour and my sullen eyes, making me look peaky in overall appearance. The water doesn't help enhance my appearance unfortunately and I eventually accept I'm just going to have to go down looking like a zombie. I quickly make a detour to the fridge in which I find a large can of a caffeine filled, overly sugary drink. I grab it and walk to the lift taking a large gulp of the sweet drink as I wait. The taste is appalling, thanks to my breath still being infused with alcohol so the overwhelming flavour dominating the drink but I need to stay awake and this is the only solution I can think of given my resources.

The lift takes a while to arrive though I'm quite relaxed because if anything bad happened Mags would have called me. And I would have heard the phone call… probably. I don't think I was too wasted. And if it were extremely bad, such as a worst case scenario Mags would have come up to see why I wasn't responding, wouldn't she? "They'll be fine." I mutter to myself. "Stop talking to yourself!" I tell myself sternly. I don't have any idea why I keep speaking to myself, I guess I'm just lonely and have no one else to talk to.

As I stride into the control room I greet Gloss, who appears to have just finished his shift. We briefly acknowledge one another before we set off in the opposite directions, our acquaintanceship apparently not affected too much by the whole Brendan and the Careers ordeal. It's not like I'm too fussed at that. I'm aware that this sounds callous but I don't have time to care about Brendan, I need him to die! Or at least that is if I want Annie to survive. Which I do, of course but over the past few days I've been considering this desire to make sure she's alive. I just don't know what would be better. Could I face seeing her again? Especially knowing that I will have to tell her about everything if we're going to be hanging out together more. And she'll be repulsed by it. At the moment though I can't be thinking about it, I need to think about the present.

I walk over behind Mags and put my hand on her shoulder. "Any developments Mags?" I ask quietly.

"Well not concerning Annie or Brendan but we're down to eight. There are all the Careers still going then Annie and Brendan, the boy from Seven and the girl from Nine." she tells me.

"Ok." I say and sit down on the chair next to her, turning my attention to the screen. Annie and Brendan are sitting down against a large fruit tree, staring out aimlessly into the distance. They look exhausted and I can see the sweat dripping off both Annie and Brendan's foreheads. It must be roasting like an oven in the arena, and all they have to drink is the juice from the orange. Despite the fact they look deprived from sleep and baking in the tropical climate they don't look too bad. They've not had any protein over the last days though, just fruit to keep them from starvation.

You can tell the stress and fear of the Games have worn off on both of my Tributes, their faces gaunt now compared to the start, before they entered the Arena. The bags underneath their eyes stand out showing how little sleep they've had. "Mags, should we send them some bread?" I ask her, looking quickly at how much we've got. She gets up the price list on the screen and look through till we get to the bread. I focus most of my attention on looking at the bread and how much we'll have left if we send it but I do notice the blood curdling scream coming from one of the screens. I hear the curses of the Mentors from Nine and come to the conclusion she's just died. I don't care however. Mags sends the bread and I look back at the screen to see Annie and Brendan smiling with glee when they see the parachute falling down in front of them.

I look over at the tracking device screens which tell me where each remaining tribute in the arena is. There are seven flashing red dots next and I see they hustle of four closely together approaching the flashing dots that represent Brendan and Annie. "Shit." I mutter. Mags looks at me quickly and turns her eyes to the screen I'm looking at and also expresses her anger.

They tear a bit of one loaf of bread, which still looks warm, breaking the crust and chewing it tentatively as if it's there last bit of food ever. I can't blame them. "Move." I mutter at the screen knowing that they are in the dark and they have no idea that the Careers are coming.

I sit there waiting, they're walking towards Annie and Brendan and inevitably they're going to find them. "Annie," Brendan says, "we need some more fruit." Annie looks behind her at the large tree. There are no fruits within reaching distance from them.

"OK, I'll go up." Annie says, getting up and looking at the tree, planning her route in her mind. She puts the bit of bread she's been eating in her pocket and she starts to scale up the tree, carefully and skilfully climbing. She looks very agile especially for someone her height. She continues climbing as Brendan sits then starts to bite his fingernails, ignoring the bread that he could be eating. I see them inching ever closer, Brendan seems to have forgotten where he is, just sitting there blankly, preoccupying himself with his nails. As the tension grows my heartbeat does too in correlation. I bit my lip in anticipation, growing less patient by the minute.

When the Careers come marching over to where Brendan sits he immediately seems to jump up in shock. My heart is thumping and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears. I feel my hands start to shake. I clench my fists. Annie sits in the tree, grabbing a blood orange, apparently unaware that the Careers are down there. Fortunately Brendan has it covered and lets out a scream at the top of his voice. Annie understands and seems to freeze like a statue in the tree.

"So, you've had a nice time over the past few days?" Brendan asks the Careers casually, clearing his throat slightly after the scream. He doesn't seem even a little bit scared. But he must know. He can't think that he has a chance can he? I feel like throwing up but he stands there confidently posed, smiling slightly at them. Through the confidence I can see the fear in his eyes, consuming him. It hurts inside to see him fighting, even though he knows he can't win. I think he just wants to prove himself.

"Yeah." I boy from Two says. I assume he's taken the role as head of the pack. "We have actually, love hearing them scream." he smiles maliciously at Brendan and I sigh clench my fists tighter in anguish.

"Well you're not gonna get a scream out of me." Brendan says, crossing his arms against his chest and raising one eyebrow.

"How much do you want to bet on that?" the boy from Two asks aggressively. I look on the other screen and see Annie clutching onto the tree branch looking down at Brendan, nearly in tears. She's mouthing 'No' and I can tell she wants to help her but she can't seem to move due to shock. I'm grateful for it as if she could move she'd get herself killed.

"This is such a lovely chat but I'm starting to get tired." Brendan says faking a dramatic yawn.

"Do you want us to kill you slowly of quickly then?" asks one of the girls snarling, I think it's the girl from One.

"Hmm, well it would be easier for you slowly because I don't think you're aims good enough to kill my fast." Brendan shrugs.

"Do you want to see about my aim?" the boy from Two asks.

"Oh I don't particularly want to be your target practice but whatever shuts you up quicker is better for me."

"Are you the kid who wanted to join our pack?" asks the boy from One scoffing him.

"Yeah that's right. I suppose that high amount of intelligence makes up for the lack of looks you possess." Brendan says sarcastically.

"You little bastard!" shouts the boy from One, lunging forward, with the heavy axe that he's holding in his arm. This is it. I know. I want to be sick, and the pain in my stomach is almost unbearable and I intake a sharp breath as I watch the axe fly out of the boys hand. Everything seems to be going in slow motion. The axe wedges into Brendan's neck and lodges its way in. The blood flies out and I put my head into my hands. I look up at Annie reluctantly to see her face in absolute devastation. She whimpering without making a sound to herself and she can't help the tears flowing from her eyes. She's not moving from her position though. I don't think she dares make a sound.

I jump at the sound of the canon and I look at Brendan's head on the floor. I put my hand to my mouth in an attempt to hold back the sick. I can't deal with it anymore. I know I said before how I don't care if he dies, he need to. But now it's actually happened I can't deal with the look on Annie's face or Brendan just lying there so I get up and leave, without a word, heading straight to the bar.


	18. The Hopeless Monster

**Chapter 18: The Hopeless Monster**

Biting my nails that are slowly deteriorating in looks I watch the screen. It's been two days since Brendan died. No more deaths, the Careers thankfully still haven't found Annie but the lack of action scared the hell out of me. They're going to do something, I know it. It's just when and what that I have to worry about. My nails have been gnawed at nearly to the bed so the pain rips down my fingers at every bite and I don't particularly want to say it but the pain is actually a stimulus and an aid to keep me going. It's wrong, yes. It's self harm, probably, but I can't stop. I want to, I just really don't know how, knowing that Annie's stuck there all alone.

It hurts to look at the screen. She sits by the tree, sprawled out on the ground, lifelessly just eating occasionally and reluctantly. The first day when Brendan was gone she cried. Screamed. Yelled. Now it's worse, she sits there, locking away her emotions. I'm afraid they're building up, but she can't do anything being on her own. I want to help. I want to help so badly, I feel as if it's my duty to go to the arena immediately and hold her. Hold her until she feels better and she recovers. You never recover from the Games though. Not really. Especially after something as ghastly as that. It doesn't take a psychologist to tell she's not right. She keeps biting her lip hard, hard enough to draw blood. Then she'll curl up into a ball and start to rock. Back and forth, back and forth.

It's not like I can even distract myself from this, it seems to be an impossible task; I don't want to but I keep watching. Watching her break. All the alcohol in the world couldn't manage to ease the pain. Then there was the night I had to spend with the girl. I can't remember the name, I wiped it mostly from my memory with the mixture of whisky and sleeping pills which I don't think was safe but it wasn't strong enough, that's for sure.

The lack of sleep is causing my head to feel close to completely bursting and my face appears gaunt in the few mirrors I bother to look at myself in. As Annie breaks down, so do I. Poor defenceless Annie; her hair tangled in front of her face. She has nothing to wash with aside from her tears as the only fluid in any proximity to her is the juice from the oranges. She's not slept for days and it's starting to take its toll. It shows in her pale face, only darkened by the bulging sacks prominently extrusive from a large distance. Her once vibrantly green eyes are dull and it's as if all the life that was bubbling inside her has been sucked out. She's still beautiful though. I don't think there can be a way that she's not beautiful to me.

She's lost her ability to smile as she used to but I imagine the smile, lighting up her face as it once did. However you can see just how much she cared about him. How much it's hurting her that Brendan is gone. And she still has her innocence. That much has remained. It's rare, in the situation of the Games that a child's innocence isn't taken away from them, even the sweetest kill when it's them or someone else. Annie hasn't. Not yet, anyway. And I'm not even sure is she will when she gets into a situation like that which is highly probably.

I don't think I could watch the innocence taken from Annie if she has to kill. Like the innocence was taken from me. I remember. The memory seems to get stuck in my mind and I can't escape it!

_I sit around the fire, a close distance from the Cornucopia with my fellow Careers. We are cooking a strange grossly mutated squirrel that we found in the trees and immediately shot down. I had snapped a pointed branch from a large oak tree I had found and stuck it on. Now it's slowly rotating on the fire that some chestnuts Clare, my district partner, found in a tree a bit further down from the Cornucopia. The aroma from the nuts mixes is in with the juicy scent of meat and I feel ravenous as I look at the bit of meat almost drooling. _

_It's only the first night in the arena and the darkness is starting to fill the sky. Hitherto I haven't killed anyone. The bloodbath was an altogether shocking experience. To watch people only days before you'd seen laughing and sharing jokes with being brutally slaughtered around you by the people you are sitting with now isn't exactly what I'd call a pleasant experience. Dave, the brawny, broad shouldered tribute however was chuckling to himself cold-heartedly as he saw the life drain from the other's eyes. He looked as though he thoroughly enjoyed it. I'm certain that he's a psychopath. He looks at me unconcerned glare, like a dog looking at a slab of meet which is kind of disconcerting. I can't feel safe looking at him across from me._

_None of the other Careers actually take me seriously. Not even Clare. I've been christened 'Pretty Boy' and haven't been given an important job to date. I'm only here because I have lots of Sponsors and those Sponsors are there's too, as long as I stick with them and if I leave they'll kill me so really I'm left with no option. I've not killed anyone so I'm sure that they assume I'm incapable of it and if I was I wouldn't be able to. I'm actually rather glad at the sheer underestimation they're giving me. They don't realise just how good I am with a trident and that's going to work to my advantage. Unfortunately no trident was there by the Cornucopia._

_They remove the succulent squirrel from the fire, removing it from the stick, they pass it around. Making sure I'm last. I still gratefully wolf it down. It's food, it's all I have and I need to get my energy back after the exhausting day; the others are refusing to pass out the vast amount of food we have stored from the Cornucopia. We just sit in absolute silence listening to the crackling of the roaring fire, warming ourselves around it as the temperature plummets gradually. All of a sudden, from no where the snapping of a branch directs all attention to the source of the noise somewhere within the forest._

_In perfect synchronisation all of the Careers, barring me, stand up. Clare signals me with a sharp hand gesture to stand up, so as quietly as I can I do so. We walk in the pack, with psychotic Dave at the front of course, towards the cluster of trees, walking as silent as ghosts. The lighting is dim but it's not so hard to see if you squint. Immediately we spot the cause of the noise. Standing, frozen to the ground, in a startled state with eyes wide open stands a small boy, a year younger than me I guess. I can't remember which District he was from but I distinctly remember him._

_Then it clicks, he was the one who helped me up when I fell from the climbing apparatus. The one who smiled politely at me as I thanked him. Before I know it though a scream rips from his throat as Dave pins him down to the floor in one hand, a small dagger clasped in the other. "No!" I exclaim, my voice shaking in the defiance of Dave._

"_What is it Pretty Boy?" he asks patronizingly, "Is baby Pwetty Boy scared. Does ickle Pwetty Boy won't his mommy?"_

"_Shut the fuck up you prick!" I snap at him._

"_Hey, I have an idea! Why not let you do the honours?" asks Dave and the others push me forward so I'm inches away from the boy who's struggling under Dave's hold._

"_No, really I'm fine." I say._

"_No. I insist!" Dave growls at me grudgingly. I have no option. I feel sick to the stomach as I take the knife from Dave's hand and crouch down on the floor so I loom over the boy. His eyes are tear stricken and all the colour has been drained from his face just as it's draining from mine. I can't think about it. I just put my hand on his shoulder, crushing it, causing him to yelp in pain. Dave removes his grip from the boy and he's all mine._

_His face is full of fear and everything's making me feel nauseous. I mouth a quick apology to him, then scrunch my eyes shut, knowing the dagger is just hovering above his heart. Quickly, in an attempt to end it for both myself and him I plunge the dagger into his chest sharply. He screams out in pain. As I remove the blood stained dagger from his chest I open my eyes, watching the blood pour out. He's not got long but I want to end it for him as quickly as possible. I take the knife to his neck and stab it in, deeply before taking it out and repeating the process in utter anguish to each of his eyes. _

_As the blood spurts out the fool scent makes me want to vomit and the blood of this boy covers my clothes and hands. I get up and drop the dagger in shock of after what I've done. It's irreversible. I've killed someone. I look at his limp body pitifully and try to rid the bloodcurdling screams from my brain, I just can't seem to. My chest hurts even more thinking of my dad at home having to witness that. Having to witness his son become a monster. All my friends…_

I snap out of the memory but I still can hear the scream. The callous murderer I have become sits looking at Annie knowing that nothing I can do can save her. I just hope, and pray to the god that I don't actually believe in that that never ever happens to Annie. That she's never put through it. The coldness taking everything up. The emptiness consuming everything that was once good.


End file.
